After Reading THIS, you'll NEVER look at a banana in the same way again -
Bananas. Containing three natural sugars - sucrose, fructose and glucose
combined with fiber, a banana gives an instant, sustained and substantial
boost of energy.
Research has proven that just two bananas provide enough energy for a
strenuous 90-minute workout. No wonder the banana is the number one fruit
with the world's leading athletes.
But energy isn't the only way a banana can help us keep fit. It can also
help overcome or prevent a substantial number of illnesses and conditions,
making it a must to add to our daily diet.
Depression: According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND amongst people
suffering from depression, many felt much better after eating a banana.
This is because bananas contain tryptophan, a type of protein that the body
converts into serotonin, known to make you relax, improve your mood and
generally make you feel happier. PMS: Forget the pills - eat a banana. The
vitamin B6 it contains regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood.
Anemia: High in iron, bananas can stimulate the production of haemoglobin in
the blood and so helps in cases of anemia.
Blood Pressure: This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium
yet low in salt, making it the perfect to beat blood pressure. So much so,
the US Food and Drug Administration has just allowed the banana industry to
make official claims for the fruit's ability to reduce the risk of blood
pressure and stroke.
Brain Power: 200 students at a Twickenham (Middlesex) school were helped
through their exams this year by eating bananas at breakfast, break, and
lunch in a bid to boost their brain power. Research has shown that the
potassium-packed fruit can assist learning by making pupils more alert.
Constipation: High in fiber, including bananas in the diet can help restore
normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without resorting to laxatives.
Hangovers: One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is to make a banana
milkshake, sweetened with honey. The banana calms the stomach and, with the
help of the honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels, while the milk
soothes and re-hydrates your system.
Heartburn: Bananas have a natural antacid effect in the body, so if you
suffer from heartburn, try eating a banana for soothing relief.
Morning Sickness: Snacking on bananas between meals helps to keep blood
sugar levels up and avoid morning sickness.
Mosquito bites: Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try rubbing the
affected area with the inside of a banana skin. Many people find it
amazingly successful at reducing swelling and irritation.
Nerves: Bananas are high in B vitamins that help calm the nervous system.
Overweight and at work? Studies at the Institute of Psychology in Austria
found pressure at work leads to gorging on comfort food like chocolate and
crisps. Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found the most obese
were more likely to be in high-pressure jobs. The report concluded that, to
avoid panic-induced food cravings, we need to control our blood sugar levels
by snacking on high carbohydrate foods every two hours to keep levels steady.
Ulcers: The banana is used as the dietary food against intestinal disorders
because of its soft texture and smoothness. It is the only raw fruit that
can be eaten without distress in over-chronicler cases. It also
neutralizes over-acidity and reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach.
Temperature control: Many other cultures see bananas as a "cooling" fruit
that can lower both the physical and emotional temperature of expectant
mothers. In Thailand, for example, pregnant women eat bananas to ensure their baby is born with a cool temperature.
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): Bananas can help SAD sufferers because
they contain the natural mood enhancer tryptophan.
Smoking: Bananas can also help people trying to give up smoking. The B6, B12
they contain, as well as the potassium and magnesium found in them, help
the body recover from the effects of nicotine withdrawal.
Stress: Potassium is a vital mineral, which helps normalize the heartbeat,
sends oxygen to the brain and regulates your body's water balance. When we
are stressed, our metabolic rate rises, thereby reducing our potassium
levels. These can be rebalanced with the help of a high-potassium banana snack.
Strokes: According to research in "The New England Journal of Medicine,
"eating bananas as part of a regular diet can cut the risk of death by
strokes by as much as 40%!
Warts: Those keen on natural alternatives swear that if you want to kill off
a wart, take a piece of banana skin and place it on the wart, with the
yellow side out. Carefully hold the skin in place with a plaster or surgical tape!
So, a banana really is a natural remedy for many ills. When you compare it
to an apple, it has four times the protein, twice the carbohydrate, three
times the phosphorus, five times the vitamin A and iron, and twice the other vitamins and minerals.
It is also rich in potassium and is one of the best value foods around.
So maybe its time to change that well-known phrase so
that we say, "A banana a day keeps the doctor away!"
Friday, October 26, 2007
Directives from God
| Directives from God 1. Wake Up !! Decide to have a good day. "Today is the day the Lord hath made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." Psalms 118:24 2. Dress Up !! The best way to dress up is to put on a smile. A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks. "The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at outward appearance; but the Lord looks at the heart." I Samuel 16:7 3. Hush Up!! Say nice things and learn to listen. God gave us two ears and one mouth, so He must have meant for us to do twice as much listening as talking. "He who guards his lips guards his soul." Proverbs 13:3 4. Stand Up!!... For what you believe in. Stand for something or you will fall for anything... "Let us not be weary in doing good; for at the proper time, we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good..." Galatians 6:9-10 5. Look Up !!... To the Lord. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13 6. Reach Up !!... For something higher. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path." Proverbs 3:5-6 7. Lift Up !!... Your Prayers. "Do not worry about anything; instead PRAY ABOUT EVERYTHING." Philippians 4:6 Send this to the people you care about. Pass this on and brighten someone's day, and remember: God answers Knee-Mail. |
Monday, September 24, 2007
Daddy's Poem
Her hair was up in a pony tail,
her favorite dress tied with a bow.
Today was Daddy's Day at school,
and she couldn't wait to go.
But her mommy tried to tell her,
that she probably should stay home.
Why the kids might not understand,
if she went to school alone
But she was not afraid;
she knew just what to say.
What to tell her classmates
of why he wasn't there today.
But still her mother worried,
for her to face this day alone.
And that was why once again,
she tried to keep her daughter home.
But the little girl went to school
eager to tell them all.
About a dad she never sees
a dad who never calls.
There were daddies along the wall in back,
for everyone to meet.
Children squirming impatiently,
anxious in their seats.
One by one the teacher called
a student from the class.
To introduce their daddy,
as seconds slowly passed.
At last the teacher called her name,
every child turned to stare.
Each of them was searching,
for a man who wasn't there.
"Where's her daddy at?"
she heard a boy call out.
"She probably doesn't have one,"
another student dared to shout.
And from somewhere near the back,
she heard a daddy say,
"Looks like another deadbeat dad,
too busy to waste his day."
The words did not offend her,
as she smiled up at her Mom.
And looked back at her teacher,
who told her to go on.
And with hands behind her back,
slowly she began to speak.
And out from the mouth of a child,
came words incredibly unique.
"My Daddy couldn't be here,
because he lives so far away.
But I know he wishes he could be,
since this is such a special day.
And though you cannot meet him,
I wanted you to know.
All about my daddy,
and how much he loves me so.
He loved to tell me stories
he taught me to ride my bike.
He surprised me with pink roses,
and taught me to fly a kite.
We used to share fudge sundaes,
and ice cream in a cone.
And though you cannot see him.
I'm not standing here alone.
"Cause my daddy's always with me,
even though we are apart
I know because he told me,
he'll forever be in my heart".
With that, her little hand reached up,
and lay across her chest.
Feeling her own heartbeat,
beneath her favorite dress.
And from somewhere here in the crowd of dads,
her mother stood in tears.
Proudly watching her daughter,
who was wise beyond her years.
For she stood up for the love
of a man not in her life.
Doing what was best for her,
doing what was right.
And when she dropped her hand back down,
staring straight into the crowd.
She finished with a voice so soft,
but its message clear and loud.
"I love my daddy very much,
he's my shining star.
And if he could, he'd be here,
but heaven's just too far.
You see he was a policeman
and died just this past year
When airplanes hit the towers
and taught Americans to fear.
But sometimes when I close my eyes,
it's like he never went away."
And then she closed her eyes,
and saw him there that day.
And to her mothers amazement,
she witnessed with surprise.
A room full of daddies and children,
all starting to close their eyes.
Who knows what they saw before them,
who knows what they felt inside.
Perhaps for merely a second,
they saw him at her side.
"I know you're with me Daddy,"
to the silence she called out.
And what happened next made believers,
of those once filled with doubt.
Not one in that room could explain it,
for each of their eyes had been closed.
But there on the desk beside her,
was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose.
And a child was blessed, if only for a moment,
by the love of her shining star.
And given the gift of believing,
that heaven is never too far.
her favorite dress tied with a bow.
Today was Daddy's Day at school,
and she couldn't wait to go.
But her mommy tried to tell her,
that she probably should stay home.
Why the kids might not understand,
if she went to school alone
But she was not afraid;
she knew just what to say.
What to tell her classmates
of why he wasn't there today.
But still her mother worried,
for her to face this day alone.
And that was why once again,
she tried to keep her daughter home.
But the little girl went to school
eager to tell them all.
About a dad she never sees
a dad who never calls.
There were daddies along the wall in back,
for everyone to meet.
Children squirming impatiently,
anxious in their seats.
One by one the teacher called
a student from the class.
To introduce their daddy,
as seconds slowly passed.
At last the teacher called her name,
every child turned to stare.
Each of them was searching,
for a man who wasn't there.
"Where's her daddy at?"
she heard a boy call out.
"She probably doesn't have one,"
another student dared to shout.
And from somewhere near the back,
she heard a daddy say,
"Looks like another deadbeat dad,
too busy to waste his day."
The words did not offend her,
as she smiled up at her Mom.
And looked back at her teacher,
who told her to go on.
And with hands behind her back,
slowly she began to speak.
And out from the mouth of a child,
came words incredibly unique.
"My Daddy couldn't be here,
because he lives so far away.
But I know he wishes he could be,
since this is such a special day.
And though you cannot meet him,
I wanted you to know.
All about my daddy,
and how much he loves me so.
He loved to tell me stories
he taught me to ride my bike.
He surprised me with pink roses,
and taught me to fly a kite.
We used to share fudge sundaes,
and ice cream in a cone.
And though you cannot see him.
I'm not standing here alone.
"Cause my daddy's always with me,
even though we are apart
I know because he told me,
he'll forever be in my heart".
With that, her little hand reached up,
and lay across her chest.
Feeling her own heartbeat,
beneath her favorite dress.
And from somewhere here in the crowd of dads,
her mother stood in tears.
Proudly watching her daughter,
who was wise beyond her years.
For she stood up for the love
of a man not in her life.
Doing what was best for her,
doing what was right.
And when she dropped her hand back down,
staring straight into the crowd.
She finished with a voice so soft,
but its message clear and loud.
"I love my daddy very much,
he's my shining star.
And if he could, he'd be here,
but heaven's just too far.
You see he was a policeman
and died just this past year
When airplanes hit the towers
and taught Americans to fear.
But sometimes when I close my eyes,
it's like he never went away."
And then she closed her eyes,
and saw him there that day.
And to her mothers amazement,
she witnessed with surprise.
A room full of daddies and children,
all starting to close their eyes.
Who knows what they saw before them,
who knows what they felt inside.
Perhaps for merely a second,
they saw him at her side.
"I know you're with me Daddy,"
to the silence she called out.
And what happened next made believers,
of those once filled with doubt.
Not one in that room could explain it,
for each of their eyes had been closed.
But there on the desk beside her,
was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose.
And a child was blessed, if only for a moment,
by the love of her shining star.
And given the gift of believing,
that heaven is never too far.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
25 beautiful short phrases...
1. Give God what's right.....
not what's left.
2. Man's way leads to hopeless end ......
God's way leads to an endless hope .
3. A lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing.
4. He who kneels before God can stand before anyone.
5. In the sentence of life, the devil may be a comma, but never let him be the period.
6. Don't put a question mark where God puts a period.
7. Are you wrinkled with burden?
Come to the church for a face-lift.
8. When praying, don't give God instructions. ..... just report for duty.
9. Don't wait for six strong men to take you to church.
10. We don't change God's message..... .
His message changes us.
11. The church is prayer-conditioned.
12 When God ordains, He sustains.
13. WARNING: Exposure to the Son may prevent burning.
14. Plan ahead......It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.
15. Most people want to serve God, but only in an advisory position.
16. Suffering from truth decay?
Brush up on your Bible.
17. Exercise daily ...... walk with the Lord.
18. Never give the devil a ride......
he will always want to drive.
19. Nothing else ruins the truth like stretching it.
20. Compassion is difficult to give away because it keeps coming back.
21. He who angers you controls you.
22. Worry is the darkroom in which negatives can develop.
23. Give Satan an inch & he'll be a ruler.
24. Be ye fishers of men.....
You catch them & He'll clean them.
25. God doesn't call the qualified,
He qualifies the called.
Now take 60 seconds and give this a shot! Let's just see if Satan
stops this one. All you do is:
1. Simply say a small prayer for the p erson who sent you this, e.g.
LORD, God, bless this person in whatever it is that You know he or she may be needing this day....
2. Then forward to relatives/friends.
Within hours people would have prayed for you, and you would have caused a multitude of people to pray to God for other people.
Then sit back and watch the power of God work in your life for doing the
thing that you know He loves.
What we do in life echoes in eternity....
not what's left.
2. Man's way leads to hopeless end ......
God's way leads to an endless hope .
3. A lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing.
4. He who kneels before God can stand before anyone.
5. In the sentence of life, the devil may be a comma, but never let him be the period.
6. Don't put a question mark where God puts a period.
7. Are you wrinkled with burden?
Come to the church for a face-lift.
8. When praying, don't give God instructions. ..... just report for duty.
9. Don't wait for six strong men to take you to church.
10. We don't change God's message..... .
His message changes us.
11. The church is prayer-conditioned.
12 When God ordains, He sustains.
13. WARNING: Exposure to the Son may prevent burning.
14. Plan ahead......It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.
15. Most people want to serve God, but only in an advisory position.
16. Suffering from truth decay?
Brush up on your Bible.
17. Exercise daily ...... walk with the Lord.
18. Never give the devil a ride......
he will always want to drive.
19. Nothing else ruins the truth like stretching it.
20. Compassion is difficult to give away because it keeps coming back.
21. He who angers you controls you.
22. Worry is the darkroom in which negatives can develop.
23. Give Satan an inch & he'll be a ruler.
24. Be ye fishers of men.....
You catch them & He'll clean them.
25. God doesn't call the qualified,
He qualifies the called.
Now take 60 seconds and give this a shot! Let's just see if Satan
stops this one. All you do is:
1. Simply say a small prayer for the p erson who sent you this, e.g.
LORD, God, bless this person in whatever it is that You know he or she may be needing this day....
2. Then forward to relatives/friends.
Within hours people would have prayed for you, and you would have caused a multitude of people to pray to God for other people.
Then sit back and watch the power of God work in your life for doing the
thing that you know He loves.
What we do in life echoes in eternity....
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
TO ALL THE KIDS WHO WERE BORN IN THE 1950's, 60's, 70's and 80's !!
TO ALL THE KIDS WHO WERE BORN IN THE 1950's, 60's, 70's and 80's !!
First, some of us survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us. ( sioktong ang inumin)
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, fish from a can (brand : ligo ) , and didn't get tested for diabetes.
Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paints, pati na yung laruang kabayu-kabayuhan.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, no kneepads , sometimes wala ngang preno yung bisikleta.
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags – hanggang ngayon naman, di ba ? ( jeep )
Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat. ( maykaya kayo mare ! )
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle (minsan straight from the faucet)
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this. Or contacted hepatitis.
We ate rice with tinunaw na purico (dahil ubos na ang star margarine), nutribuns na galing kay macoy and drank sopdrinks with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight kasi nga......
WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. Sarap mag patintero, tumbang preso, habulan, taguan….
No one was able to reach us all day (di uso ang celfon , walang beepers). And we were OK.
We would spend hours building our trolleys or slides out of scraps and then ride down the street, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms....... ...WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!
We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no
lawsuits from these accidents.
The only rubbing we get is from our friends with the words…..masakit ba ? pero pag galit yung kalaro mo.... ang sasabihin sa iyo….... beh buti nga !
We play in the dirt... wash our hands a little and ate with our barehands. we were not afraid of getting worms in our stomachs.
We have to live with homemade guns – (gawa sa kahoy, tinali ng rubberband , sumpit , tirador at kung ano ano pa na puedeng makasakit…) ..pero walang nagrereklamo.
made up games with sticks (syato) and cans (tumbang preso) and although we were told it would happen, wala naman tayong binulag o napatay…... paminsan-minsan, may nabubukulan.
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them!
Mini basketball teams had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Walang sumasama ang loob.
Ang magulang ay nandoon lang para tingnan kung ayos lang ang bata.... hindi para makialam.
This generation of ours has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and managers ever!
The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned
HOW TO
DEAL WITH IT ALL!
And YOU are one of them!
CONGRATULATIONS!
You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the government regulated our lives for our own good. And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.
Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!
First, some of us survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us. ( sioktong ang inumin)
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, fish from a can (brand : ligo ) , and didn't get tested for diabetes.
Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paints, pati na yung laruang kabayu-kabayuhan.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, no kneepads , sometimes wala ngang preno yung bisikleta.
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags – hanggang ngayon naman, di ba ? ( jeep )
Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat. ( maykaya kayo mare ! )
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle (minsan straight from the faucet)
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this. Or contacted hepatitis.
We ate rice with tinunaw na purico (dahil ubos na ang star margarine), nutribuns na galing kay macoy and drank sopdrinks with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight kasi nga......
WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. Sarap mag patintero, tumbang preso, habulan, taguan….
No one was able to reach us all day (di uso ang celfon , walang beepers). And we were OK.
We would spend hours building our trolleys or slides out of scraps and then ride down the street, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms....... ...WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!
We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no
lawsuits from these accidents.
The only rubbing we get is from our friends with the words…..masakit ba ? pero pag galit yung kalaro mo.... ang sasabihin sa iyo….... beh buti nga !
We play in the dirt... wash our hands a little and ate with our barehands. we were not afraid of getting worms in our stomachs.
We have to live with homemade guns – (gawa sa kahoy, tinali ng rubberband , sumpit , tirador at kung ano ano pa na puedeng makasakit…) ..pero walang nagrereklamo.
made up games with sticks (syato) and cans (tumbang preso) and although we were told it would happen, wala naman tayong binulag o napatay…... paminsan-minsan, may nabubukulan.
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them!
Mini basketball teams had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Walang sumasama ang loob.
Ang magulang ay nandoon lang para tingnan kung ayos lang ang bata.... hindi para makialam.
This generation of ours has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and managers ever!
The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned
HOW TO
DEAL WITH IT ALL!
And YOU are one of them!
CONGRATULATIONS!
You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the government regulated our lives for our own good. And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.
Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!
You may not realize it, but it's 100% true
1. Every night, someone thinks about you before they go to sleep.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be
just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't
like you.
5. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. You are special and unique.
8. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
10. When you think the world has turned it's back on you, take a look
again.
11. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude
remarks.
So...If you are a loving friend, send this to everyone, including the
one that sent it to you. If you get it back, then they really do love you
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be
just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't
like you.
5. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. You are special and unique.
8. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
10. When you think the world has turned it's back on you, take a look
again.
11. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude
remarks.
So...If you are a loving friend, send this to everyone, including the
one that sent it to you. If you get it back, then they really do love you
Friday, August 24, 2007
NASA Proves the Bible is true
For all you scientists out there and for all the students who have a hard time convincing these people regarding the truth of the Bible,here's something that shows God's awesome creation and shows that He's still in control.
Did you know that the space program is busy proving that what has been called "myth" in the Bible is true? Mr. Harold Hill. President of the Curtis Engine Company in Baltimore Maryland and a consultant in the space program relates the following development: I think one of the most amazing things that God has for us today happened recently to our astronauts and space scientists at Green Belt, Maryland They were checking the position of the sun, moon, and planets out in space where they would be 100 years and 1000 years from now. We have to know this so we won't end a satellite up, and have it bump into something later on its orbits. We have to lay out the orbits in terms of the life of the satellite, and where the planets will be so the whole thing will not bog down.
They ran the computer measurement back and forth over the centuries and it came to a halt. The computer stopped and put up a red signal, which meant that there was something wrong either with the information fed into it or with the results as compared to the standards.
They called in the service department to check it out and they said. What's wrong?" Well, they found there is a day missing in space in elapsed time.
They scratched their heads and tore their hair. There was no answer.
Finally a Christian man on the team said. "You know, one time I was in Sunday School and they talked about the sun standing still". While they didn't believe him they didn't have an answer either. So they said, "Show us". He got a Bible and went back to the book of Joshua where they found a pretty ridiculous statement for any one with "Common sense". There they found the Lord saying to Joshua, "Fear them not. I have delivered them into thy hand: there shall not a man of them stand before thee". Joshua was concerned because he was surrounded by the enemy if darkness fell they would overpower them. So Joshua asked the Lord to make the sun stand still!
That's right - "The sun stood still and the moon stayed---and hasted not to go down about a whole day!" The astronauts and scientists said."There is the missing day!" They checked the computers going back into the time it was written and found it was close but not close enough. The elapsed time that was missing back Joshua's day was 23 hours and 20 minutes - not a whole day. They read the Bible and there it was "about (approximately) a day" These little words in the Bible are important.
But they were still in trouble because if you cannot account for 40 minutes you'll still be in trouble 1000 years from now. Forty minutes had to be found because it can be multiplied many times over in orbits.
As the Christian employee thought about it, he remembered somewhere in the Bible where it said the sun went BACKWARDS. The scientists told him he was out of his mind, but they got out the Book and read these words in 2 Kings.
Hezekiah, on his deathbed, was visited by the prophet Isaiah who told him that he was not going to die. Hezekiah asked for a sign as proof. Isaiah said "Do you want the sun to go ahead 10 degrees?" Hezekiah said it is nothing for the sun to go ahead 10 degrees, but let the Shadow return backward 10 degrees." Isaiah spoke to the Lord and the Lord brought the shadow 10 degrees BACKWARD! Ten degrees is exactly 40 minutes! Twenty three hours and 20 minutes in Joshua, plus 40 minutes in Second Kings make the missing day in the universe!
Isn't it amazing? Our God is rubbing their noses in His Truth!
Did you know that the space program is busy proving that what has been called "myth" in the Bible is true? Mr. Harold Hill. President of the Curtis Engine Company in Baltimore Maryland and a consultant in the space program relates the following development: I think one of the most amazing things that God has for us today happened recently to our astronauts and space scientists at Green Belt, Maryland They were checking the position of the sun, moon, and planets out in space where they would be 100 years and 1000 years from now. We have to know this so we won't end a satellite up, and have it bump into something later on its orbits. We have to lay out the orbits in terms of the life of the satellite, and where the planets will be so the whole thing will not bog down.
They ran the computer measurement back and forth over the centuries and it came to a halt. The computer stopped and put up a red signal, which meant that there was something wrong either with the information fed into it or with the results as compared to the standards.
They called in the service department to check it out and they said. What's wrong?" Well, they found there is a day missing in space in elapsed time.
They scratched their heads and tore their hair. There was no answer.
Finally a Christian man on the team said. "You know, one time I was in Sunday School and they talked about the sun standing still". While they didn't believe him they didn't have an answer either. So they said, "Show us". He got a Bible and went back to the book of Joshua where they found a pretty ridiculous statement for any one with "Common sense". There they found the Lord saying to Joshua, "Fear them not. I have delivered them into thy hand: there shall not a man of them stand before thee". Joshua was concerned because he was surrounded by the enemy if darkness fell they would overpower them. So Joshua asked the Lord to make the sun stand still!
That's right - "The sun stood still and the moon stayed---and hasted not to go down about a whole day!" The astronauts and scientists said."There is the missing day!" They checked the computers going back into the time it was written and found it was close but not close enough. The elapsed time that was missing back Joshua's day was 23 hours and 20 minutes - not a whole day. They read the Bible and there it was "about (approximately) a day" These little words in the Bible are important.
But they were still in trouble because if you cannot account for 40 minutes you'll still be in trouble 1000 years from now. Forty minutes had to be found because it can be multiplied many times over in orbits.
As the Christian employee thought about it, he remembered somewhere in the Bible where it said the sun went BACKWARDS. The scientists told him he was out of his mind, but they got out the Book and read these words in 2 Kings.
Hezekiah, on his deathbed, was visited by the prophet Isaiah who told him that he was not going to die. Hezekiah asked for a sign as proof. Isaiah said "Do you want the sun to go ahead 10 degrees?" Hezekiah said it is nothing for the sun to go ahead 10 degrees, but let the Shadow return backward 10 degrees." Isaiah spoke to the Lord and the Lord brought the shadow 10 degrees BACKWARD! Ten degrees is exactly 40 minutes! Twenty three hours and 20 minutes in Joshua, plus 40 minutes in Second Kings make the missing day in the universe!
Isn't it amazing? Our God is rubbing their noses in His Truth!
References: Joshua 10:8 and 12.13; 2 Kings 20:9-11
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Good Thoughts
Three things in life that, once gone, never come back -
1. Time
2. Words
3. Opportunity
Three things in life that can destroy a person -
1. Anger
2. Pride
3. Unforgiveness
Three things in life that you should never lose-
1. Hope
2. Peace
3. Honesty
Three things in life that are most valuable -
1. Love
2. Family &Friends
3. Kindness
Three things in life that are never certain -
1. Fortune
2. Success
3. Dreams
Three things that make a person -
1. Commitment
2. Sincerity
3. Hard work
Three things that are truly constant -
Father - Son - Holy Spirit
I ask the Lord to bless you, as I pray for you today; to guide you
and protect you, as you go along your way. God's love is always with you,
God's promises are true. And when you give God all your cares, you know God will see you through.
1. Time
2. Words
3. Opportunity
Three things in life that can destroy a person -
1. Anger
2. Pride
3. Unforgiveness
Three things in life that you should never lose-
1. Hope
2. Peace
3. Honesty
Three things in life that are most valuable -
1. Love
2. Family &Friends
3. Kindness
Three things in life that are never certain -
1. Fortune
2. Success
3. Dreams
Three things that make a person -
1. Commitment
2. Sincerity
3. Hard work
Three things that are truly constant -
Father - Son - Holy Spirit
I ask the Lord to bless you, as I pray for you today; to guide you
and protect you, as you go along your way. God's love is always with you,
God's promises are true. And when you give God all your cares, you know God will see you through.
A Little Girl's Prayer
"One night I had worked hard to help a mother in the labor ward; but in spite of all we could do she died leaving us with a tiny premature baby and a crying two-year-old daughter. We would have difficulty keeping the baby alive, as we had no incubator. (We had no electricity to run an incubator.) We also had no special feeding facilities.
Although we lived on the equator, nights were often chilly with treacherous drafts. One student midwife went for the box we had for such babies and the cotton wool the baby would be wrapped in. Another went to stoke up the fire and fill a hot water bottle. She came back shortly in distress to tell me that in filling the bottle, it had burst. Rubber perishes easily in tropical climates. "And it is our last hot water bottle!" she exclaimed.
As in the West it is no good crying over spilled milk, so in Central Africa it might be considered no good crying over burst water bottles. They do not grow on trees, and there are no drugstores down forest pathways.
"All right," I said, "Put the baby as near the fire as you safely can, and sleep between the baby and the door to keep it free from drafts. "Your job is to keep the baby warm."
The following noon, as I did most days, I went to have prayers with any of the orphanage children who chose to gather with me. I gave the youngsters various suggestions of things to pray about and told them about the tiny baby. I explained our problem about keeping the baby warm enough, mentioning the hot water bottle. The baby could so easily die if it got chills.
I also told them of the two-year-old sister, crying because her mother had died. During the prayer time, one ten-year-old girl, Ruth, prayed with the usual blunt conciseness of our African children. "Please, God," she prayed, "send us a water bottle. It'll be no good tomorrow, God, as the baby will be dead, so please send it this afternoon."
While I gasped inwardly at the audacity of the prayer, she added by way of a corollary, "And while You are about it, would You please send a dolly for the little girl so she'll know You really love her?"
As often with children's prayers, I was put on the spot. Could I honestly say, "Amen?" I just did not believe that God could do this. Oh, yes, I know that He can do everything. The Bible says so. But there are limits, aren't there?
The only way God could answer this particular prayer would be by sending me a parcel from the homeland. I had been in Africa for almost four years at that time, and I had never, ever received a parcel from home. Anyway, if anyone did send me a parcel, who would put in a hot water bottle? I lived on the equator!
Halfway through the afternoon, while I was teaching in the nurses' training school, a message was sent that there was a car at my front door. By the time I reached home, the car had gone, but there, on the verandah, was a large twenty-two pound parcel. l felt tears pricking my eyes. I could not open the parcel alone, so I sent for the orphanage children.
Together we pulled off the string, carefully undoing each knot.
We folded the paper, taking care not to tear it unduly. Excitement was mounting. Some thirty or forty pairs of eyes were focused on the large cardboard box.
From the top, I lifted out brightly colored, knitted jerseys. Eyes sparkled as I gave them out. Then there were the knitted bandages for the leprosy patients, and the children looked a little bored. Then came a box of mixed raisins and sultanas--that would make a nice batch of buns for the weekend.
Then, as I put my hand in again, I felt the.....could it really be? I grasped it and pulled it out--yes, a brand-new, rubber hot water bottle!
I cried. I had not asked God to send it; I had not truly believed that He could. Ruth was in the front row of the children. She rushed forward, crying out, "If God has sent the bottle, He must have sent the dolly, too!"
Rummaging down to the bottom of the box, she pulled out the small, beautifully dressed dolly. Her eyes shone! She had never doubted. Looking up at me, she asked: "Can I go over with you, Mummy, and give this dolly to that little girl, so she'll know that Jesus really loves her?"
That parcel had been on the way for five whole months. Packed up by my former Sunday school class, whose leader had heard and obeyed God's prompting to send a hot water bottle, even to the equator. And one of the girls had put in a dolly for an African child--five months before--in answer to the believing prayer of a ten-year-old to bring it "that afternoon."
Although we lived on the equator, nights were often chilly with treacherous drafts. One student midwife went for the box we had for such babies and the cotton wool the baby would be wrapped in. Another went to stoke up the fire and fill a hot water bottle. She came back shortly in distress to tell me that in filling the bottle, it had burst. Rubber perishes easily in tropical climates. "And it is our last hot water bottle!" she exclaimed.
As in the West it is no good crying over spilled milk, so in Central Africa it might be considered no good crying over burst water bottles. They do not grow on trees, and there are no drugstores down forest pathways.
"All right," I said, "Put the baby as near the fire as you safely can, and sleep between the baby and the door to keep it free from drafts. "Your job is to keep the baby warm."
The following noon, as I did most days, I went to have prayers with any of the orphanage children who chose to gather with me. I gave the youngsters various suggestions of things to pray about and told them about the tiny baby. I explained our problem about keeping the baby warm enough, mentioning the hot water bottle. The baby could so easily die if it got chills.
I also told them of the two-year-old sister, crying because her mother had died. During the prayer time, one ten-year-old girl, Ruth, prayed with the usual blunt conciseness of our African children. "Please, God," she prayed, "send us a water bottle. It'll be no good tomorrow, God, as the baby will be dead, so please send it this afternoon."
While I gasped inwardly at the audacity of the prayer, she added by way of a corollary, "And while You are about it, would You please send a dolly for the little girl so she'll know You really love her?"
As often with children's prayers, I was put on the spot. Could I honestly say, "Amen?" I just did not believe that God could do this. Oh, yes, I know that He can do everything. The Bible says so. But there are limits, aren't there?
The only way God could answer this particular prayer would be by sending me a parcel from the homeland. I had been in Africa for almost four years at that time, and I had never, ever received a parcel from home. Anyway, if anyone did send me a parcel, who would put in a hot water bottle? I lived on the equator!
Halfway through the afternoon, while I was teaching in the nurses' training school, a message was sent that there was a car at my front door. By the time I reached home, the car had gone, but there, on the verandah, was a large twenty-two pound parcel. l felt tears pricking my eyes. I could not open the parcel alone, so I sent for the orphanage children.
Together we pulled off the string, carefully undoing each knot.
We folded the paper, taking care not to tear it unduly. Excitement was mounting. Some thirty or forty pairs of eyes were focused on the large cardboard box.
From the top, I lifted out brightly colored, knitted jerseys. Eyes sparkled as I gave them out. Then there were the knitted bandages for the leprosy patients, and the children looked a little bored. Then came a box of mixed raisins and sultanas--that would make a nice batch of buns for the weekend.
Then, as I put my hand in again, I felt the.....could it really be? I grasped it and pulled it out--yes, a brand-new, rubber hot water bottle!
I cried. I had not asked God to send it; I had not truly believed that He could. Ruth was in the front row of the children. She rushed forward, crying out, "If God has sent the bottle, He must have sent the dolly, too!"
Rummaging down to the bottom of the box, she pulled out the small, beautifully dressed dolly. Her eyes shone! She had never doubted. Looking up at me, she asked: "Can I go over with you, Mummy, and give this dolly to that little girl, so she'll know that Jesus really loves her?"
That parcel had been on the way for five whole months. Packed up by my former Sunday school class, whose leader had heard and obeyed God's prompting to send a hot water bottle, even to the equator. And one of the girls had put in a dolly for an African child--five months before--in answer to the believing prayer of a ten-year-old to bring it "that afternoon."
Helen Roseveare, a missionary doctor from England to Zaire Africa, told this as it happened to her in Africa
God is Always There
by Glynnis Whitwer
“Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!” Isaiah 49:15 (NIV)
The children in the first grade “special needs” class were excited about the upcoming performance. They had practiced the songs for weeks and were ready to show all they had learned to their parents. James was no exception.
James’ life was difficult. He was being raised by a somewhat detached father and grandmother. James’ dad was on disability, and could easily retreat into himself. In the classroom James had a hard time following the rules. His inappropriate talking, interrupting, and disobedience resulted in many consequences for him. In spite of James’ situation, he was excited about the program.
The day finally came for the recital. Invitations had been sent out and everyone was ready. It was planned at the end of the school day so parents could arrive a little early, then take their kids home after the performance.
The auditorium filled up with many of the parents. The kids sang with gusto and the parents smiled proudly. Lita Jo, the teacher’s assistant, sat in the front row making sure the kids stayed on course and actually sang. Everyone sang, except James. “Oh James,” Lita Jo thought, “come on, sing.” She caught his eyes and tried to encourage him.
Then it hit her. James was looking for his father and didn’t see him. Tears were in his eyes, but he was TRYING to smile, TRYING to sing. But he was too occupied with trying to locate his father. He would start to sing, but then look out. No father. Every song! There were six of them. Still no father.
The performance ended and everyone applauded. James hung his head as the auditorium emptied. Lita Jo stood by his side, not saying anything about James’ father. It was too painful.
At the usual time, James’ dad came to pick him up. James immediately asked: "Where were you Dad? Why didn't you come? We were singing."
Lita Jo stood quietly by, anxious to hear the response. "Oh, I forgot about it … I was nursing a migraine."
A parent’s omission meant a child’s pain. How many James are there in the world? Little boys and girls, grown men and women, with no one to root for them. Standing on the stage of life, their tearful eyes scan the audience looking for someone to care, someone to love them enough to watch their singing. Although the audience might be devoid of human attention, God is always there.
Will someone tell James there is a Heavenly Father who will never miss a recital? Will James ever know the faithful love of God? Even the best parent can disappoint us at times. But what a joy that we have a Heavenly Father who is always watching. He never forgets. Never. When we worship Him, His eyes are on us. When we dance for Him, He delights in us. When our hearts are ready to break, our Heavenly Father comforts us.
Power Verses:
Psalm 33:13-15, “From heaven the LORD looks down and sees all mankind; from his dwelling place he watches all who live on earth - he who forms the hearts of all, who considers everything they do.” (NIV)
Psalm 121: 2-3, “My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip, he who watches over you will not slumber …” (NIV)
Micah 7:7, “But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the LORD; I will wait for the God of my salvation. My God will hear me.” (NAS)
“Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!” Isaiah 49:15 (NIV)
The children in the first grade “special needs” class were excited about the upcoming performance. They had practiced the songs for weeks and were ready to show all they had learned to their parents. James was no exception.
James’ life was difficult. He was being raised by a somewhat detached father and grandmother. James’ dad was on disability, and could easily retreat into himself. In the classroom James had a hard time following the rules. His inappropriate talking, interrupting, and disobedience resulted in many consequences for him. In spite of James’ situation, he was excited about the program.
The day finally came for the recital. Invitations had been sent out and everyone was ready. It was planned at the end of the school day so parents could arrive a little early, then take their kids home after the performance.
The auditorium filled up with many of the parents. The kids sang with gusto and the parents smiled proudly. Lita Jo, the teacher’s assistant, sat in the front row making sure the kids stayed on course and actually sang. Everyone sang, except James. “Oh James,” Lita Jo thought, “come on, sing.” She caught his eyes and tried to encourage him.
Then it hit her. James was looking for his father and didn’t see him. Tears were in his eyes, but he was TRYING to smile, TRYING to sing. But he was too occupied with trying to locate his father. He would start to sing, but then look out. No father. Every song! There were six of them. Still no father.
The performance ended and everyone applauded. James hung his head as the auditorium emptied. Lita Jo stood by his side, not saying anything about James’ father. It was too painful.
At the usual time, James’ dad came to pick him up. James immediately asked: "Where were you Dad? Why didn't you come? We were singing."
Lita Jo stood quietly by, anxious to hear the response. "Oh, I forgot about it … I was nursing a migraine."
A parent’s omission meant a child’s pain. How many James are there in the world? Little boys and girls, grown men and women, with no one to root for them. Standing on the stage of life, their tearful eyes scan the audience looking for someone to care, someone to love them enough to watch their singing. Although the audience might be devoid of human attention, God is always there.
Will someone tell James there is a Heavenly Father who will never miss a recital? Will James ever know the faithful love of God? Even the best parent can disappoint us at times. But what a joy that we have a Heavenly Father who is always watching. He never forgets. Never. When we worship Him, His eyes are on us. When we dance for Him, He delights in us. When our hearts are ready to break, our Heavenly Father comforts us.
Power Verses:
Psalm 33:13-15, “From heaven the LORD looks down and sees all mankind; from his dwelling place he watches all who live on earth - he who forms the hearts of all, who considers everything they do.” (NIV)
Psalm 121: 2-3, “My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip, he who watches over you will not slumber …” (NIV)
Micah 7:7, “But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the LORD; I will wait for the God of my salvation. My God will hear me.” (NAS)
Daddy's Empty Chair
A man's daughter had asked the local minister to come and pray with her father.
When the minister arrived, he found the man lying in bed with his head propped up on two pillows. An empty chair sat beside his bed.
The minister assumed that the old fellow had been informed of his visit. "I guess you were expecting me," he said.
'No, who are you?" said the father.
The minister told him his name and then remarked, "I saw the empty chair and I figured you knew I was going to show up,"
"Oh yeah, the chair," said the bedridden man.
"Would you mind closing the door?"
Puzzled, the minister shut the door.
"I have never told anyone this, not even my daughter," said the man.
"But all of my life I have never known how to pray. At church I used to hear the pastor talk about prayer, but it went right over my head.
I abandoned any attempt at prayer," the old man continued, "until one day four years ago, my best friend said to me, "Johnny, prayer is just a simple matter of having a conversation with Jesus.
Here is what I suggest: Sit down in a chair; place an empty chair in front of you, and in faith see Jesus on the chair. It's not spooky because he promised, 'I will be with you always'. Then just speak to him in the same way you're doing with me right now."
"So, I tried it and I've liked it so much that I do it a couple of hours every day. I'm careful though. If my daughter saw me talking to an empty chair, she'd either have a nervous breakdown or send me off to the funny farm."
The minister was deeply moved by the story and encouraged the old man to continue on the journey. Then he prayed with him, anointed him with oil, and returned to the church.
Two nights later the daughter called to tell the minister that her daddy had died that afternoon.
Did he die in peace?" he asked.
"Yes, when I left the house about two o'clock, he called me over to
his bedside, told me he loved me and kissed me on the cheek. When I got back from the store an hour later, I found him dead. But there was something strange about his death.
Apparently, just before Daddy died, he leaned over and rested his head on the chair beside the bed. What do you make of that?"
The minister wiped a tear from his eye and said, "I wish we could all go like that."
When the minister arrived, he found the man lying in bed with his head propped up on two pillows. An empty chair sat beside his bed.
The minister assumed that the old fellow had been informed of his visit. "I guess you were expecting me," he said.
'No, who are you?" said the father.
The minister told him his name and then remarked, "I saw the empty chair and I figured you knew I was going to show up,"
"Oh yeah, the chair," said the bedridden man.
"Would you mind closing the door?"
Puzzled, the minister shut the door.
"I have never told anyone this, not even my daughter," said the man.
"But all of my life I have never known how to pray. At church I used to hear the pastor talk about prayer, but it went right over my head.
I abandoned any attempt at prayer," the old man continued, "until one day four years ago, my best friend said to me, "Johnny, prayer is just a simple matter of having a conversation with Jesus.
Here is what I suggest: Sit down in a chair; place an empty chair in front of you, and in faith see Jesus on the chair. It's not spooky because he promised, 'I will be with you always'. Then just speak to him in the same way you're doing with me right now."
"So, I tried it and I've liked it so much that I do it a couple of hours every day. I'm careful though. If my daughter saw me talking to an empty chair, she'd either have a nervous breakdown or send me off to the funny farm."
The minister was deeply moved by the story and encouraged the old man to continue on the journey. Then he prayed with him, anointed him with oil, and returned to the church.
Two nights later the daughter called to tell the minister that her daddy had died that afternoon.
Did he die in peace?" he asked.
"Yes, when I left the house about two o'clock, he called me over to
his bedside, told me he loved me and kissed me on the cheek. When I got back from the store an hour later, I found him dead. But there was something strange about his death.
Apparently, just before Daddy died, he leaned over and rested his head on the chair beside the bed. What do you make of that?"
The minister wiped a tear from his eye and said, "I wish we could all go like that."
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Lessons from Noah's Ark
Everything I need to know about life, I learned from Noah's Ark
One : Don't miss the boat.
Two : Remember that we are all in the same boat.
Three : Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.
Four : Stay fit When you're 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.
Five : Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.
Six : Build your future on high ground.
Seven : For safety's sake, travel in pairs.
Eight : Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.
Nine : When you're stressed, float a while.
Ten : Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.
One : Don't miss the boat.
Two : Remember that we are all in the same boat.
Three : Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.
Four : Stay fit When you're 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.
Five : Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.
Six : Build your future on high ground.
Seven : For safety's sake, travel in pairs.
Eight : Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.
Nine : When you're stressed, float a while.
Ten : Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.
Lessons on Life
There was a man who had four sons. He wanted his sons to learn not to judge things too quickly. So he sent them each on a quest, in turn, to go and look at a pear tree that was a great distance away.
The first son went in the winter, the second in the spring, the third in summer, and the youngest son in the fall. When they had all gone and come back, he called them together to describe what they had seen.
The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent, and twisted. The second son said no it was covered with green buds and full of promise.
The third son disagreed; he said it was laden with blossoms that smelled so sweet and looked so beautiful, it was the most graceful thing he had ever seen.
The last son disagreed with all of them; he said it was ripe and drooping with fruit, full of life and fulfillment.
The man then explained to his sons that they were all right, because they had each seen but only one season in the tree's life.
He told them that you cannot judge a tree, or a person, by only one season, and that the essence of who they are and the pleasure, joy, and love that come from that life can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are up.
If you give up when it's winter, you will miss the promise of your spring, the beauty of your summer, fulfillment of your fall.
Moral:
Don't let the pain of one season destroy the joy of all the rest.
Don't judge life by one difficult season.
Persevere through the difficult patches and better times are sure to come some time or later.
The first son went in the winter, the second in the spring, the third in summer, and the youngest son in the fall. When they had all gone and come back, he called them together to describe what they had seen.
The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent, and twisted. The second son said no it was covered with green buds and full of promise.
The third son disagreed; he said it was laden with blossoms that smelled so sweet and looked so beautiful, it was the most graceful thing he had ever seen.
The last son disagreed with all of them; he said it was ripe and drooping with fruit, full of life and fulfillment.
The man then explained to his sons that they were all right, because they had each seen but only one season in the tree's life.
He told them that you cannot judge a tree, or a person, by only one season, and that the essence of who they are and the pleasure, joy, and love that come from that life can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are up.
If you give up when it's winter, you will miss the promise of your spring, the beauty of your summer, fulfillment of your fall.
Moral:
Don't let the pain of one season destroy the joy of all the rest.
Don't judge life by one difficult season.
Persevere through the difficult patches and better times are sure to come some time or later.
Men Never Listen
On a flight to Chicago, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied.
The flight attendant noticed his predicament. Sir, she said,' You may use the ladies room if you
promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall.'
He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Each button was identified
by letters:
WW, WA, PP, and a red one labeled ATR. ! Who would know if he touched them?
He couldn't resist.. He pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. What a nice feeling, he thought. Men's
restrooms don't have nice things like this.
Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside.
When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flowers
to this unbelievable pleasure.. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it was tender loving pleasure.
When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.
Next thing he knew he was in a hospital as soon as he opened his eyes. A nurse was staring down at him with a smirk on her
face.
'What happened?' he exclaimed.
'You pushed one too many buttons,' replied the nurse.
'The last button marked ATR was an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your penis is under your pillow.'
Men Never Listen.
The flight attendant noticed his predicament. Sir, she said,' You may use the ladies room if you
promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall.'
He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Each button was identified
by letters:
WW, WA, PP, and a red one labeled ATR. ! Who would know if he touched them?
He couldn't resist.. He pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. What a nice feeling, he thought. Men's
restrooms don't have nice things like this.
Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside.
When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flowers
to this unbelievable pleasure.. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it was tender loving pleasure.
When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.
Next thing he knew he was in a hospital as soon as he opened his eyes. A nurse was staring down at him with a smirk on her
face.
'What happened?' he exclaimed.
'You pushed one too many buttons,' replied the nurse.
'The last button marked ATR was an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your penis is under your pillow.'
Men Never Listen.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Mathematics of Life & Others
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Friday, August 17, 2007
Tidbits #1
Sex is like a restaurant.
Sometimes you get full satisfactory service, and sometimes you have to be satisfied with self-service"
Why was the 2-piece swimsuit invented?
To separate the HAIRY section from the DAIRY section.
Woman complaining to dentist: "It's so painful, I'll rather have a baby than have a tooth removed.
Dentist: "Make up your mind soon, I'll adjust the chair accordingly. ."
Old lady, 85, a virgin, about to die. wanted her tombstone to read :
BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN.
The engraver shortened it to: "RETURNED UNOPENED"
Two gays were looking at Travel Brochures at a Travel Agency.
One of them said: "Lets try Greece this year."
The other answered: "Why? What's wrong with Vaseline?"
BREAST RELATED NAME:
SUSAN- suso nasa tiyan
SUZETTE- suso maliit
DOLOR- dodo nasa floor
JOBEL- joga hanggang bilbil
DEBORRAH- dede walang bra
ULA- utong lang..
MISIS: Inday, napansin ko ang barong ni Sir mo, lagi na lang may lipstik!
MAID: Opo nga Mam, mukhang niloloko na TAYO ni Sir ah!
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
"VIRGINITY is not DIGNITY.
It's just a lack of opportunity! "
- by William Sexfear..
PEDRO: Anong pulutan nyo kahapon sa birthday mo?
JUAN: Pata!
PEDRO: Wow! Anong klaseng pata?
JUAN; PATA galan ng kwento!
JINGGOY: Dad, bakit ba maalat at may asin sa dagat?
ERAP: Sinadya yan ni Lord para sa ganun hindi mapanis ang mga isda..
TATAY: "Pesteng buhay toh!
merong kaldero, walang biGAS!
merong lampara, walang GAS!
merong gripo, walang taGAS!
dagdagan pa ng asawang walang huGAS huGAS!
paano pa titiGAS!!"
A young man ask an old man.
"Sir, what is retirement?"
Old man: "Retirement is when you are replaced by a computer at work and a vibrator at home.."
MISTER: (naglalambing, kissing wife's shoulder)
Hon, sigi naaaa...
MISIS: (naiirita) Bumabagyo!
MISTER: Ayaw mo yun, eh malamig? Sigii naaa...
MISIS: Ano ka ba, tanga? Di ka na nahiya!
Ang daming tao dito sa evacuation center!
TITSER: Ano ang PAST TENSE sa LABA?
BOY#1: Naglaba mam!
TITSER: Tama! Ano ang PRESENT TENSE?
BOY#2: Naglalaba!
TITSER: Tama! Ano naman ang FUTURE TENSE?
BOY#3: MAGSASAMPAY mam!
A farmer went to the river and saw five (5) nude girls swimming.
The girls protested, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
Farmer: "it's Ok, I'm here to feed the crocodiles!"
AMERICAN ENGLISH:
Eat All You Can,
don't be shy,
feel at home!
IN TAGALOG:
kain lang kayo ng kain,
walanghiya kayo,
pakiramdam nyo bahay nyo to!
ENRIQUE ZOBEL: half Filipino half Spanish.
HENRY SY: half Filipino half Chinese.
JUAN FLAVIER: half Filipino half Igorot.
RAUL ROCO: half Hawaiian half Polo.
JOHN OSMENA: half Filipino half Filipina.
MIKE ARROYO: half Filipino half Pork.
AI AI DELAS ALAS: half Filipino half Moon.
GMA: half...
HEADLINE:
"Dalawang lola nag jogging sa plaza ginahasa!"
Kinabukasan. ..
Plaza nagkagulo!
Nagtrapik!
Libu-libong lola nag jo-jogging!
A boss interviewed four (4) girls for secretary...
He asked each one this question: A lady has two mouths.
What is the difference between the two mouths?
1st: One can talk, and the other can not talk.
2nd: One is vertical, and the other is horizontal.
3rd: Only one is hairy.
4th: Upper one is for my use, and the lower is for my boss.
THE LAST ONE WAS HIRED!!
TANONG: Paano mo sasabihin sa isang babae na sobrang mataba siya ng hindi sya mababastos?
SAGOT: "uhmm, excuse me Miss.. Mang Tomas ba ang lotion mo?.."
GIRL: Mommy, bakit yung bird ng neighbor nating kalaro ko parang champoy..?
MOMMY: Hahaha! Bakit? maliit ba?
GIRL: Hindi Mommy.. Maalat kasi eh!
In New York City ...
Mike Arroyo: How much?
Prostitute: $100.
Mike Arroyo: That's too much! How about $10?
Prostitute: No way!
(Next day, Prosti saw Mike with GMA)
Prostitute: See, that's what you get for $10.?
BANK TELLER: Your ID is valid and acceptable, clear photo, kitang kita ang kulubot at mga linya sa mukha, walang retoke...
LADY CLIENT: Gaga! Thumbmark ko yan!
MAID: Ma'm, ni-rape ako ng magnanakaw kagabi..
MADAM: Bakit di ka sumigaw?
MAID: Eh.. akala ko po si Sir, pero nung makadalawa.. Nagduda na ako!
SA BOTICA..
CUSTOMER: (pabulong) 'Day, isang condom nga..
SALESLADY: Sayz Sir!
CUSTOMER: (nahiya) small lang.. hehehe..
SALESLADY: hindi Sir, sayz pisos ang isa!
" Asawa" 1st year masaya.
After 5 years tanggalin ang A "sawa na".
After 10 years tanggalin ang S"awa na lang".
Sa susunod na taon tanggalin mong A "wa na!"
Home version of who wants to be a millionaire:
Husband: dear puede ka ba ngayon?
Wife: di puede pagod ako!
Husband: is that final?
Wife: FINAL!!!!
Husband:ok, can i phone a friend?!?
Pag Americano umutot: EXCUSE ME!
Pag British naman: PARDON ME!
Pag Espanol: EXCUSAR POR QUE UTUTAR!
Pag Pinoy: Di ako yun! Mamatay na ang umutot
Warning: Children playing outside the car can
cause accident... and...
Adults playing inside the car can cause
CHILDREN!!!!
Loveliness through the years
1950s-Iniirog kita.
1960s-Iniibig kita.
1970s-Minamahal kita.
1980s-I love you.
1990s-Tara sa kwarto.
2000s-Pwede na rito.
MRS: sa palagay mo, mahal, ilang taon na ako?
MR : kung titignan kita sa buhok 18 ka lang (WOW); kung
nakatalikod 20 lang (WOW), kung sa kutis 22 lang (WOW). Bale
total ay 60 sweetheart.( WHEEWW)
DUCK DICTIONARY
maliit na duck- "panduck"
tirahan ng maliit na duck- "Pandacan"
mataas na duck- "boonduck"
nagulat na duck- "nasinduck"
photogenic na duck- "kodak"
malaking duck sa Ilocos- "duck-il"
madaldal na duck- "dakdak"
pantakip sa bibig ng madaldal na duck- "duck tape"
manggagamot na duck- "ducktor"
musikero na duck- "conducktor"
ERAP
Erap went to Starbucks...
Erap: isang kape nga!
Waiter: decaf po ba?
Erap: (mad) aba syempre, alangan naman de plato!
Tumatakbo si ERAP galing computer room na
sinusundan ng staff:
"Sir bakit ka tumatakbo?"
Erap: Tatakas ako, sabi kasi ng computer
'press Ctrl then Escape'.
Erap: Pareng Ronnie, akyat ka sa puno, pisilin mo
bunga kung hinog na.
FPJ: (umakyat at pinisil ang bunga) Oo
pare hinog na.
Erap: sige baba ka na sungkitin natin.
FVR: Erap may gift ako para sa'yo galing pa sa
India!
It's a 10 ft.snake.
Erap: Ows! Niloloko mo naman ako eh, 10 ft?
Hoy di ako ganon ka tanga! Ang snake walang FEET!
Erap delivering speech at the mental hospital.
Inmates shouting: Mabuhay si ERAP!
PSG seeing one guy not cheering: Bakit di ka
sumabay sa kanila?
Guy: Di ako sira ulo. Janitor ako!
Spanish teacher: Class use 'fuera' in a sentence.
Student: Mis maestras son bonitas (my teachers
are beautiful).
Teacher: Oh, that's very flattering but where's
'fuera'?
Student: Fuera ka!
PERFECT HEAVEN: Having American salary,
British home, German car, Chinese food, and Pinoy
wife!
PERFECT HELL: Having Korean car, British wife,
German food,
American home and
Pinoy salary!
Mare 1: Naku mare, ang gaganda ng mga anak mo!
Mare 2: Talaga, mare! Hay naku kung asawa ko lang
ang inasahan
ko hindi sana
mangyayari yan!
NANAY: Bobo ka talaga! 1 to 10 lang di mo kayang bilangin?
ANAK: Mas bobo si tatay nay, kasi narinig ko minsan sabi, "tama na
inday, hanggang tatlo lang kaya ko."
************ ********* ********* *
Letter to OFW dad:
"Luv, tnx sa padala mo, hapi c nene kasi tobleron ang
baon sa skul. ung nike suot na ni jr. next tym wag ka
na padala NIVEA MILK. di nila type pait daw, ako tloy
ang umubos."
MISTER: ano ang pagkain natin?
MISIS: nasa mesa, bahala ka na pumili!
MISTER: isang pirasong tuyo?ano pagpipilian ko?
MISIS: pumili ka kung kakain ka o hindi!
************ ********* ********* ***
IDD call from US:
HUSBAND: hon musta ang tindahan?
WIFE: dept store na!
H: ang tuba-an?
W: KTV bar na!
H: and mga trickad?
W: taxi na!
H: ang dalawa kong anak?
W: LIMA na!
************ ********* ********* ***
sweethearts watchin' da sky...
GUY: ano ang horoscope mo?
GIRL: anong huruskup?
GUY: yung bang kapalaran mo, katulad ko, CANCER.
GIRL: ah, sa akin ALMURANAS!
************ ********* ********* ***
TITSER: who can make a sentence then translate it in tagalog?
PUPIL: my titser is beautiful, isn't she?
TITSER: very good, translate it in tagalog.
PUPIL: ang guro ko ay maganda, maganda nga ba?
************ ********* ********* ***
DONYA: bilang bagong katulong, tandaan mo na ang almusal dito ay
alasais empuntu!
MAID: walang problema donya. kung tulog pa ako sa oras na yun, mauna
na kayong mag almusal!
************ ********* ********* ***
> > >>>SAYINGS TO LIVE BY:
1. birds of the same feathers, are the same birds
2. do not do unto others what you can't do
3. an apple a day is not an apple at night
4. when the cat is away the mouse is alone
5. if others can do it, don't help
6. tell me who ur friends are and i'll tell u mine
7. early to bed and early to rise makes you sleepy
In the afternoon
8. ang ilog na tahimik ay malalim, ang ilog na
maingay may naglalaba
Masaya ang love, lalo na kung love n’yo ang isa’t isa…
Ang mahirap lang, pag may karibal ka. Pero kung sa tingin mo, mas lamang ka talaga, Isigaw mo lang:
"ATRAS SIYA! ABANTE AKO!"
***
Anak: Tanghali na, bakit ayaw pang lumabas sa kuwarto sina mama at papa?
Inday: Ewan. Kagabi, humingi sila ng PETROLEUM JELLY, pero ang naibigay ko, MIGHTY BOND!
***
Ma̢۪am: Inday, buti, bumaba ang water bill natin.
Maid: Opo., Kasi sumasabay na po maligo si sir sa akin! Pinapatay rin niya ang ilaw ‘pag tumatabi siya sa akin para bumaba rin daw ang kuryente.
***
Dolora: Naku, tataas daw ang pamasahe kaya dapat ay mag-reduce na tayo, mare!
Lucita: Bakit, mare?
Dolora: Gagawin daw PER KILO ang pamasahe!
***
Nag-uusap ang kambal sa sinapupunan ni mommy…
Sanggol #1: Ano ba yan?! Si daddy kay-aga-aga pa, tumitira na naman!
Sanggol #2: Sssh! Quiet! Hindi si daddy ‘yan… Si daddy, kalbo! Eh ‘yan, may supot!
***
Usapan ng dalawang baliw…
Baliw #1: Kanina pa nakadapo sa ‘yo ‘yang lamok, bakit hindi mo pa patayin?
Baliw #2: Hinihintay kong mabusog saka ko hahabulin para magka-appendicitis!
***
Fr. Damaso: Hinabol ako ng babaeng maganda at hubad. Ang ginawa ko, dinamitan ko agad. Kung kayo po ang nasa kalagayan ko, Bishop, ano po ang gagawin ninyo?
Bishop: Tulad mo, magsisinungaling din ako.
***
Lumubog ang barko. Patay lahat ng tao sa loob, maliban sa isang Ita.
Ita: Halika, pating… kainin mo ako!
Pating: Huwag mo akong lokohin! Hindi ako tanga! PUSIT ka!
***
Maraming salita sa wikang Tagalog na pag binaligtad, meron ding kahulugan. Tulad ng:
ALAB — BALA
ALAT — TALA
ATAY— YATA
DAGA — AGAD
GILID — DILIG
IPIL — LIPI
IPIS – SIPI
LASLAS …
Bahala ka nang magbaligtad! Diyan ka magaling, eh!
***
Ang pag-ibig, hindi puro saya. Kailangan, handa kang masaktan.
Handa kang lumuha. Handa kang magsakripisyo para sa kanya.
At ito ang pinakaimportante sa lahat…
Kailangan, huwag kang magpapautang.
Para hindi ka pagtaguan!
***
Mga appropriate flowers…
Dalagita: Pitimini
Dalaga: Sampaguita
Bagong kasal: Rosas
Matandang dalaga: Calla Lily
Lola: Chicharong bulaklak
Kung mayaman
Kung mayaman ka, meron kang "allergy"
Kung mahirap ka, ang tawag dyan ay "galis" o "bakokang"
Sa mayaman, "nervous breakdown" dahil sa "tension and stress"
Sa mahirap, "sira ang ulo"
Kung mayaman ka, "pneumonia" daw ang sakit mo
Kung mahirap, "TB" yon
Sa mayaman, "hyperacidity"
Kapag mahirap, "ulcer" dahil walang laman ang tiyan
Sa mayamang "malikot ang kamay", ang tawag ay "kleptomaniac"
Sa mahirap, ang tawag ay "magnanakaw" o "kawatan"
Pag mayaman ka, you're "eccentric"
Kung mahirap ka, "may toyo ka sa ulo" o "may topak" o "may sayad"
Kung mayaman ka at sumakit ang ulo mo, ikaw ay may "migraine"
Kung mahirap ka naman at sumakit ang ulo mo, ikaw ay "nalipasan ng gutom"
Kung mayaman ka, you are referred to as someone who is "scoliotic"
Pero kung mahirap ka, ikaw ay "kuba"
Kung ang señorita mo ay maitim, ang tawag ay "morena" o "sun tanned"
Pero kung isa kang domestic na maitim, ikaw ay "ita" o "negrita" o "baluga"
Kung nasa high society ka at ikaw ay maliit, ang tawag sa iyo ay "petite"
Kung mahirap ka lang, ikaw ay "pandak" o "bansot"
Kung socialite ka, ikaw ay "pleasingly plump"
Kapag mahirap ka, ika'y "tabatsoy" o "lumba-lumba" ...pagminamalas ka,"baboy"
Kapag mayaman, "fasting" ang hindi kumain
Kung mahirap, "nagtitiis"
Kung well-off ka at date ka rito, date ka roon, ang tawag sa iyo ay "socialite"
Kung mahirap ka, ikaw ay "pakawala" o "pok-pok"
Kung mayamang alembong ka, ang tawag sa iyo ay "liberated"
Pero kung isa kang dukha, ang tawag sa iyo "malandi"
Kapag mayaman, "misguided" o "spoiled" ka
Kung mahirap ka, "addict" o "durugista"
Kung may pera ka, ang tawag sa iyo "single parent"
Pero kung wala kang trabaho, ang tawag sa iyo "disgrasyada"
Kapag mayaman at sexy, "fashionable" daw
Kung mahirap, sigurado "GRO" o "japayuki" ka
Ang tawag sa mayayamang puro gulay ang kinakain, "vegetarian"
Habang kakaawa ang mahirap na " kumakain ng damo."
Sa exclusive school, "assertive" ang mga batang sumasagot sa mga guro
Pero pag ang mga mahihirap na bata ang sumasagot sa mga guro, ang tawag sa
kanila ay "bastos!"
Ang mayamang tumatanda, "are graduating gracefully into senior citizenhood"
Ang mga mahihirap ay "gumugurang"
Ang anak ng mayaman ay "slow learner"
Ang anak ng mahirap ay "bobo" o "gung-gong"
Kung mayaman ka at marami kang kumain, you flatter your host who says,
"masarap kang kumain and I like you, you do justice to my cooking"
Kung ghastly peasant ka eating the same amount in the same house, your host
will say to himself na ikaw ay "patay-gutom"
Kung graduate ka ng exclusive school at sa ibang bansa ka nagtatrabaho, ang
tawag sa iyo "expat"
Kung mahirap ka lang, ikaw ay "contract worker"
Kung boss ka at binabasa mo ito sa office mo, "okay lang"
Pero kung ikaw ay hamak na empleyado lamang, ikaw ay" nagbubulakbol" ...
kaya forward mo na agad ito dahil nasa likod mo ang boss mo!>>
Sometimes you get full satisfactory service, and sometimes you have to be satisfied with self-service"
Why was the 2-piece swimsuit invented?
To separate the HAIRY section from the DAIRY section.
Woman complaining to dentist: "It's so painful, I'll rather have a baby than have a tooth removed.
Dentist: "Make up your mind soon, I'll adjust the chair accordingly. ."
Old lady, 85, a virgin, about to die. wanted her tombstone to read :
BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN.
The engraver shortened it to: "RETURNED UNOPENED"
Two gays were looking at Travel Brochures at a Travel Agency.
One of them said: "Lets try Greece this year."
The other answered: "Why? What's wrong with Vaseline?"
BREAST RELATED NAME:
SUSAN- suso nasa tiyan
SUZETTE- suso maliit
DOLOR- dodo nasa floor
JOBEL- joga hanggang bilbil
DEBORRAH- dede walang bra
ULA- utong lang..
MISIS: Inday, napansin ko ang barong ni Sir mo, lagi na lang may lipstik!
MAID: Opo nga Mam, mukhang niloloko na TAYO ni Sir ah!
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
"VIRGINITY is not DIGNITY.
It's just a lack of opportunity! "
- by William Sexfear..
PEDRO: Anong pulutan nyo kahapon sa birthday mo?
JUAN: Pata!
PEDRO: Wow! Anong klaseng pata?
JUAN; PATA galan ng kwento!
JINGGOY: Dad, bakit ba maalat at may asin sa dagat?
ERAP: Sinadya yan ni Lord para sa ganun hindi mapanis ang mga isda..
TATAY: "Pesteng buhay toh!
merong kaldero, walang biGAS!
merong lampara, walang GAS!
merong gripo, walang taGAS!
dagdagan pa ng asawang walang huGAS huGAS!
paano pa titiGAS!!"
A young man ask an old man.
"Sir, what is retirement?"
Old man: "Retirement is when you are replaced by a computer at work and a vibrator at home.."
MISTER: (naglalambing, kissing wife's shoulder)
Hon, sigi naaaa...
MISIS: (naiirita) Bumabagyo!
MISTER: Ayaw mo yun, eh malamig? Sigii naaa...
MISIS: Ano ka ba, tanga? Di ka na nahiya!
Ang daming tao dito sa evacuation center!
TITSER: Ano ang PAST TENSE sa LABA?
BOY#1: Naglaba mam!
TITSER: Tama! Ano ang PRESENT TENSE?
BOY#2: Naglalaba!
TITSER: Tama! Ano naman ang FUTURE TENSE?
BOY#3: MAGSASAMPAY mam!
A farmer went to the river and saw five (5) nude girls swimming.
The girls protested, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
Farmer: "it's Ok, I'm here to feed the crocodiles!"
AMERICAN ENGLISH:
Eat All You Can,
don't be shy,
feel at home!
IN TAGALOG:
kain lang kayo ng kain,
walanghiya kayo,
pakiramdam nyo bahay nyo to!
ENRIQUE ZOBEL: half Filipino half Spanish.
HENRY SY: half Filipino half Chinese.
JUAN FLAVIER: half Filipino half Igorot.
RAUL ROCO: half Hawaiian half Polo.
JOHN OSMENA: half Filipino half Filipina.
MIKE ARROYO: half Filipino half Pork.
AI AI DELAS ALAS: half Filipino half Moon.
GMA: half...
HEADLINE:
"Dalawang lola nag jogging sa plaza ginahasa!"
Kinabukasan. ..
Plaza nagkagulo!
Nagtrapik!
Libu-libong lola nag jo-jogging!
A boss interviewed four (4) girls for secretary...
He asked each one this question: A lady has two mouths.
What is the difference between the two mouths?
1st: One can talk, and the other can not talk.
2nd: One is vertical, and the other is horizontal.
3rd: Only one is hairy.
4th: Upper one is for my use, and the lower is for my boss.
THE LAST ONE WAS HIRED!!
TANONG: Paano mo sasabihin sa isang babae na sobrang mataba siya ng hindi sya mababastos?
SAGOT: "uhmm, excuse me Miss.. Mang Tomas ba ang lotion mo?.."
GIRL: Mommy, bakit yung bird ng neighbor nating kalaro ko parang champoy..?
MOMMY: Hahaha! Bakit? maliit ba?
GIRL: Hindi Mommy.. Maalat kasi eh!
In New York City ...
Mike Arroyo: How much?
Prostitute: $100.
Mike Arroyo: That's too much! How about $10?
Prostitute: No way!
(Next day, Prosti saw Mike with GMA)
Prostitute: See, that's what you get for $10.?
BANK TELLER: Your ID is valid and acceptable, clear photo, kitang kita ang kulubot at mga linya sa mukha, walang retoke...
LADY CLIENT: Gaga! Thumbmark ko yan!
MAID: Ma'm, ni-rape ako ng magnanakaw kagabi..
MADAM: Bakit di ka sumigaw?
MAID: Eh.. akala ko po si Sir, pero nung makadalawa.. Nagduda na ako!
SA BOTICA..
CUSTOMER: (pabulong) 'Day, isang condom nga..
SALESLADY: Sayz Sir!
CUSTOMER: (nahiya) small lang.. hehehe..
SALESLADY: hindi Sir, sayz pisos ang isa!
" Asawa" 1st year masaya.
After 5 years tanggalin ang A "sawa na".
After 10 years tanggalin ang S"awa na lang".
Sa susunod na taon tanggalin mong A "wa na!"
Home version of who wants to be a millionaire:
Husband: dear puede ka ba ngayon?
Wife: di puede pagod ako!
Husband: is that final?
Wife: FINAL!!!!
Husband:ok, can i phone a friend?!?
Pag Americano umutot: EXCUSE ME!
Pag British naman: PARDON ME!
Pag Espanol: EXCUSAR POR QUE UTUTAR!
Pag Pinoy: Di ako yun! Mamatay na ang umutot
Warning: Children playing outside the car can
cause accident... and...
Adults playing inside the car can cause
CHILDREN!!!!
Loveliness through the years
1950s-Iniirog kita.
1960s-Iniibig kita.
1970s-Minamahal kita.
1980s-I love you.
1990s-Tara sa kwarto.
2000s-Pwede na rito.
MRS: sa palagay mo, mahal, ilang taon na ako?
MR : kung titignan kita sa buhok 18 ka lang (WOW); kung
nakatalikod 20 lang (WOW), kung sa kutis 22 lang (WOW). Bale
total ay 60 sweetheart.( WHEEWW)
DUCK DICTIONARY
maliit na duck- "panduck"
tirahan ng maliit na duck- "Pandacan"
mataas na duck- "boonduck"
nagulat na duck- "nasinduck"
photogenic na duck- "kodak"
malaking duck sa Ilocos- "duck-il"
madaldal na duck- "dakdak"
pantakip sa bibig ng madaldal na duck- "duck tape"
manggagamot na duck- "ducktor"
musikero na duck- "conducktor"
ERAP
Erap went to Starbucks...
Erap: isang kape nga!
Waiter: decaf po ba?
Erap: (mad) aba syempre, alangan naman de plato!
Tumatakbo si ERAP galing computer room na
sinusundan ng staff:
"Sir bakit ka tumatakbo?"
Erap: Tatakas ako, sabi kasi ng computer
'press Ctrl then Escape'.
Erap: Pareng Ronnie, akyat ka sa puno, pisilin mo
bunga kung hinog na.
FPJ: (umakyat at pinisil ang bunga) Oo
pare hinog na.
Erap: sige baba ka na sungkitin natin.
FVR: Erap may gift ako para sa'yo galing pa sa
India!
It's a 10 ft.snake.
Erap: Ows! Niloloko mo naman ako eh, 10 ft?
Hoy di ako ganon ka tanga! Ang snake walang FEET!
Erap delivering speech at the mental hospital.
Inmates shouting: Mabuhay si ERAP!
PSG seeing one guy not cheering: Bakit di ka
sumabay sa kanila?
Guy: Di ako sira ulo. Janitor ako!
Spanish teacher: Class use 'fuera' in a sentence.
Student: Mis maestras son bonitas (my teachers
are beautiful).
Teacher: Oh, that's very flattering but where's
'fuera'?
Student: Fuera ka!
PERFECT HEAVEN: Having American salary,
British home, German car, Chinese food, and Pinoy
wife!
PERFECT HELL: Having Korean car, British wife,
German food,
American home and
Pinoy salary!
Mare 1: Naku mare, ang gaganda ng mga anak mo!
Mare 2: Talaga, mare! Hay naku kung asawa ko lang
ang inasahan
ko hindi sana
mangyayari yan!
NANAY: Bobo ka talaga! 1 to 10 lang di mo kayang bilangin?
ANAK: Mas bobo si tatay nay, kasi narinig ko minsan sabi, "tama na
inday, hanggang tatlo lang kaya ko."
************ ********* ********* *
Letter to OFW dad:
"Luv, tnx sa padala mo, hapi c nene kasi tobleron ang
baon sa skul. ung nike suot na ni jr. next tym wag ka
na padala NIVEA MILK. di nila type pait daw, ako tloy
ang umubos."
MISTER: ano ang pagkain natin?
MISIS: nasa mesa, bahala ka na pumili!
MISTER: isang pirasong tuyo?ano pagpipilian ko?
MISIS: pumili ka kung kakain ka o hindi!
************ ********* ********* ***
IDD call from US:
HUSBAND: hon musta ang tindahan?
WIFE: dept store na!
H: ang tuba-an?
W: KTV bar na!
H: and mga trickad?
W: taxi na!
H: ang dalawa kong anak?
W: LIMA na!
************ ********* ********* ***
sweethearts watchin' da sky...
GUY: ano ang horoscope mo?
GIRL: anong huruskup?
GUY: yung bang kapalaran mo, katulad ko, CANCER.
GIRL: ah, sa akin ALMURANAS!
************ ********* ********* ***
TITSER: who can make a sentence then translate it in tagalog?
PUPIL: my titser is beautiful, isn't she?
TITSER: very good, translate it in tagalog.
PUPIL: ang guro ko ay maganda, maganda nga ba?
************ ********* ********* ***
DONYA: bilang bagong katulong, tandaan mo na ang almusal dito ay
alasais empuntu!
MAID: walang problema donya. kung tulog pa ako sa oras na yun, mauna
na kayong mag almusal!
************ ********* ********* ***
> > >>>SAYINGS TO LIVE BY:
1. birds of the same feathers, are the same birds
2. do not do unto others what you can't do
3. an apple a day is not an apple at night
4. when the cat is away the mouse is alone
5. if others can do it, don't help
6. tell me who ur friends are and i'll tell u mine
7. early to bed and early to rise makes you sleepy
In the afternoon
8. ang ilog na tahimik ay malalim, ang ilog na
maingay may naglalaba
Masaya ang love, lalo na kung love n’yo ang isa’t isa…
Ang mahirap lang, pag may karibal ka. Pero kung sa tingin mo, mas lamang ka talaga, Isigaw mo lang:
"ATRAS SIYA! ABANTE AKO!"
***
Anak: Tanghali na, bakit ayaw pang lumabas sa kuwarto sina mama at papa?
Inday: Ewan. Kagabi, humingi sila ng PETROLEUM JELLY, pero ang naibigay ko, MIGHTY BOND!
***
Ma̢۪am: Inday, buti, bumaba ang water bill natin.
Maid: Opo., Kasi sumasabay na po maligo si sir sa akin! Pinapatay rin niya ang ilaw ‘pag tumatabi siya sa akin para bumaba rin daw ang kuryente.
***
Dolora: Naku, tataas daw ang pamasahe kaya dapat ay mag-reduce na tayo, mare!
Lucita: Bakit, mare?
Dolora: Gagawin daw PER KILO ang pamasahe!
***
Nag-uusap ang kambal sa sinapupunan ni mommy…
Sanggol #1: Ano ba yan?! Si daddy kay-aga-aga pa, tumitira na naman!
Sanggol #2: Sssh! Quiet! Hindi si daddy ‘yan… Si daddy, kalbo! Eh ‘yan, may supot!
***
Usapan ng dalawang baliw…
Baliw #1: Kanina pa nakadapo sa ‘yo ‘yang lamok, bakit hindi mo pa patayin?
Baliw #2: Hinihintay kong mabusog saka ko hahabulin para magka-appendicitis!
***
Fr. Damaso: Hinabol ako ng babaeng maganda at hubad. Ang ginawa ko, dinamitan ko agad. Kung kayo po ang nasa kalagayan ko, Bishop, ano po ang gagawin ninyo?
Bishop: Tulad mo, magsisinungaling din ako.
***
Lumubog ang barko. Patay lahat ng tao sa loob, maliban sa isang Ita.
Ita: Halika, pating… kainin mo ako!
Pating: Huwag mo akong lokohin! Hindi ako tanga! PUSIT ka!
***
Maraming salita sa wikang Tagalog na pag binaligtad, meron ding kahulugan. Tulad ng:
ALAB — BALA
ALAT — TALA
ATAY— YATA
DAGA — AGAD
GILID — DILIG
IPIL — LIPI
IPIS – SIPI
LASLAS …
Bahala ka nang magbaligtad! Diyan ka magaling, eh!
***
Ang pag-ibig, hindi puro saya. Kailangan, handa kang masaktan.
Handa kang lumuha. Handa kang magsakripisyo para sa kanya.
At ito ang pinakaimportante sa lahat…
Kailangan, huwag kang magpapautang.
Para hindi ka pagtaguan!
***
Mga appropriate flowers…
Dalagita: Pitimini
Dalaga: Sampaguita
Bagong kasal: Rosas
Matandang dalaga: Calla Lily
Lola: Chicharong bulaklak
Kung mayaman
Kung mayaman ka, meron kang "allergy"
Kung mahirap ka, ang tawag dyan ay "galis" o "bakokang"
Sa mayaman, "nervous breakdown" dahil sa "tension and stress"
Sa mahirap, "sira ang ulo"
Kung mayaman ka, "pneumonia" daw ang sakit mo
Kung mahirap, "TB" yon
Sa mayaman, "hyperacidity"
Kapag mahirap, "ulcer" dahil walang laman ang tiyan
Sa mayamang "malikot ang kamay", ang tawag ay "kleptomaniac"
Sa mahirap, ang tawag ay "magnanakaw" o "kawatan"
Pag mayaman ka, you're "eccentric"
Kung mahirap ka, "may toyo ka sa ulo" o "may topak" o "may sayad"
Kung mayaman ka at sumakit ang ulo mo, ikaw ay may "migraine"
Kung mahirap ka naman at sumakit ang ulo mo, ikaw ay "nalipasan ng gutom"
Kung mayaman ka, you are referred to as someone who is "scoliotic"
Pero kung mahirap ka, ikaw ay "kuba"
Kung ang señorita mo ay maitim, ang tawag ay "morena" o "sun tanned"
Pero kung isa kang domestic na maitim, ikaw ay "ita" o "negrita" o "baluga"
Kung nasa high society ka at ikaw ay maliit, ang tawag sa iyo ay "petite"
Kung mahirap ka lang, ikaw ay "pandak" o "bansot"
Kung socialite ka, ikaw ay "pleasingly plump"
Kapag mahirap ka, ika'y "tabatsoy" o "lumba-lumba" ...pagminamalas ka,"baboy"
Kapag mayaman, "fasting" ang hindi kumain
Kung mahirap, "nagtitiis"
Kung well-off ka at date ka rito, date ka roon, ang tawag sa iyo ay "socialite"
Kung mahirap ka, ikaw ay "pakawala" o "pok-pok"
Kung mayamang alembong ka, ang tawag sa iyo ay "liberated"
Pero kung isa kang dukha, ang tawag sa iyo "malandi"
Kapag mayaman, "misguided" o "spoiled" ka
Kung mahirap ka, "addict" o "durugista"
Kung may pera ka, ang tawag sa iyo "single parent"
Pero kung wala kang trabaho, ang tawag sa iyo "disgrasyada"
Kapag mayaman at sexy, "fashionable" daw
Kung mahirap, sigurado "GRO" o "japayuki" ka
Ang tawag sa mayayamang puro gulay ang kinakain, "vegetarian"
Habang kakaawa ang mahirap na " kumakain ng damo."
Sa exclusive school, "assertive" ang mga batang sumasagot sa mga guro
Pero pag ang mga mahihirap na bata ang sumasagot sa mga guro, ang tawag sa
kanila ay "bastos!"
Ang mayamang tumatanda, "are graduating gracefully into senior citizenhood"
Ang mga mahihirap ay "gumugurang"
Ang anak ng mayaman ay "slow learner"
Ang anak ng mahirap ay "bobo" o "gung-gong"
Kung mayaman ka at marami kang kumain, you flatter your host who says,
"masarap kang kumain and I like you, you do justice to my cooking"
Kung ghastly peasant ka eating the same amount in the same house, your host
will say to himself na ikaw ay "patay-gutom"
Kung graduate ka ng exclusive school at sa ibang bansa ka nagtatrabaho, ang
tawag sa iyo "expat"
Kung mahirap ka lang, ikaw ay "contract worker"
Kung boss ka at binabasa mo ito sa office mo, "okay lang"
Pero kung ikaw ay hamak na empleyado lamang, ikaw ay" nagbubulakbol" ...
kaya forward mo na agad ito dahil nasa likod mo ang boss mo!>>
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Growing Up vs. Growing Old
I liked reading this short article from a friend. I hope you will, too.
The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder. I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being. She said, "Hi handsome. My name is Rose. I'm eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?" I laughed and enthusiastically responded, "Of course you may!"
and she gave me a giant squeeze.
"Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?" I asked. She jokingly replied, "I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married, and have a couple of kids..." "No seriously," I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age. "I always dreamed of having a college education! and now I'm getting one!" she told me.
After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake.
We became instant friends every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop. I was always mesmerized listening to this "time machine" as she shared her wisdom and experience with me.
Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went. She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up.
At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet. I'll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor. Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, "I'm sorry I'm so jittery! I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! ! I'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know."
As we laughed she cleared her throat and began, "We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing. There are only four secrets to staying young... being happy, and achieving success. You have to laugh and find humor every day. You've got to have
a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die. We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't even know it! There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up. If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight. Anybody can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in change. Have no regrets. The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets." She concluded her speech by courageously singing "The Rose." She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives.
At the year's end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago. One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep. Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it's never too late to be all you can possibly be.
When you finish reading this, please send this peaceful word of advice to your friends and family, they'll really enjoy it! These words have been passed along in loving memory of ROSE.
REMEMBER, GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY.
GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL.
We make a Living by what we get,
We make a Life by what we give.
God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.
If God brings you to it,
He will bring you through it.
Pass this message to people you care about.
If you choose not, then you refuse to bless someone else.
"Good friends
are like stars....... ..You don't always see them,
but you know they are always there."
The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder. I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being. She said, "Hi handsome. My name is Rose. I'm eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?" I laughed and enthusiastically responded, "Of course you may!"
and she gave me a giant squeeze.
"Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?" I asked. She jokingly replied, "I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married, and have a couple of kids..." "No seriously," I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age. "I always dreamed of having a college education! and now I'm getting one!" she told me.
After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake.
We became instant friends every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop. I was always mesmerized listening to this "time machine" as she shared her wisdom and experience with me.
Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went. She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up.
At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet. I'll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor. Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, "I'm sorry I'm so jittery! I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! ! I'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know."
As we laughed she cleared her throat and began, "We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing. There are only four secrets to staying young... being happy, and achieving success. You have to laugh and find humor every day. You've got to have
a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die. We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't even know it! There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up. If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight. Anybody can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in change. Have no regrets. The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets." She concluded her speech by courageously singing "The Rose." She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives.
At the year's end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago. One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep. Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it's never too late to be all you can possibly be.
When you finish reading this, please send this peaceful word of advice to your friends and family, they'll really enjoy it! These words have been passed along in loving memory of ROSE.
REMEMBER, GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY.
GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL.
We make a Living by what we get,
We make a Life by what we give.
God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.
If God brings you to it,
He will bring you through it.
Pass this message to people you care about.
If you choose not, then you refuse to bless someone else.
"Good friends
are like stars....... ..You don't always see them,
but you know they are always there."
Charge and Credit Cards warnings
SCENE 1: A friend went to the local gym and placed his belongings in the locker. After the workout and a shower, he came out, saw the locker open, and thought to himself, "Funny, I thought I locked the locker.. Hmmmmm."
He dressed and just flipped the wallet to make sure all was in order.
Everything looked okay - all cards were in place. A few weeks later his credit card bill came - a whooping bill of $14.000! He called the credit card company and started yelling at them, saying that he did not make the
transactions. Customer care personnel verified that there was no mistake in the system and asked if his card had been stolen.. "No," he said, but then took out his wallet, pulled out the credit card, and yep, you guessed it, a switch had been made. An expired similar credit card from the same bank was in the wallet. The thief broke into his locker at the gym and switched cards. Verdict: The credit card issuer said since he did not report the card missing earlier, he would have to pay the amount owed to them. How much did he have to pay for items he did not buy?
$9,000! Why were there no calls made to verify the amount swiped? Small amounts rarely trigger a "warning bell" with some credit card companies.
It just so happens that all the small amounts added up to big one!
SCENE 2: A man at a local restaurant paid for his meal with his credit card. The bill for the meal came, he signed it, and the waitress folded the receipt and passed the credit card along. Usually, he would just take it and place it in his wallet or pocket. Funny enough, though, he actually took a look at the card and, lo and behold, it was the expired card of another person. He called the waitress and she looked perplexed. She took it back, apologized, and hurried back to the counter under the watchful eye of the man. All the waitress did while walking to the counter was wave the wrong expired card to the counter cashier, and the counter cashier immediately looked down and took out the real card. No exchange of words - nothing!
She took it and came back to the man with an apology. Verdict: Make sure the credit cards in your wallet are yours. Check the name on the card every time you sign for something and/or the card is taken away for even a short period of time. Many people just take back the credit card without even looking at it, thinking that it has to be theirs.
FOR YOUR OWN SAKE, DEVELOP THE HABIT OF CHECKING YOUR CREDIT CARD EACH TIME IT IS RETURNED TO YOU AFTER A TRANSACTION!
SCENE 3: Yesterday I went into a pizza restaurant to pick up an order that I had called in. I paid by using my Visa Check Card which, of course, is linked directly to my checking account. The young man behind the counter
took my card, swiped it, then laid it flat on the counter as he waited for the approval, which is pretty standard procedure. While he waited, he picked up his cell phone and started dialing. I noticed the phone because it is the same model I have, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Then I heard a click that sounded like my phone sounds when I take a picture.
He then gave me back my card but kept the phone in his hand as if he was still pressing buttons. Meanwhile, I'm thinking: I wonder what he is taking a picture of, oblivious to what was really going on. It then dawned on me:
the only thing there was, was my credit card, so now I'm paying close attention to what he is doing. He set his phone on the counter, leaving it open. About five seconds later, I heard the chime that tells you that the
picture has been saved.. Now I'm standing there struggling with the fact that this boy just took a picture of my credit card. Yes, he played it off well, because had we not had the same kind of phone, I probably would never have known what happened. Needless to say, I immediately canceled that card as I was walking out of the pizza parlor. All I am saying is, be aware of your surroundings at all times. Whenever you are using your credit cards, take caution and don't be careless. Notice who is standing near you and what they are doing when you use your card. Be aware of phones because many have a camera phone these days. When you are in a restaurant and the waiter/waitress brings your card and receipt for you to sign, make sure you scratch the number off.
Some restaurants are using only the last four digits, but a lot of them are still putting the whole thing on there. I have already been a victim of credit card fraud and, believe me, it is not fun. The truth is that they can get you even when you are careful, but don't make it easy for them.
He dressed and just flipped the wallet to make sure all was in order.
Everything looked okay - all cards were in place. A few weeks later his credit card bill came - a whooping bill of $14.000! He called the credit card company and started yelling at them, saying that he did not make the
transactions. Customer care personnel verified that there was no mistake in the system and asked if his card had been stolen.. "No," he said, but then took out his wallet, pulled out the credit card, and yep, you guessed it, a switch had been made. An expired similar credit card from the same bank was in the wallet. The thief broke into his locker at the gym and switched cards. Verdict: The credit card issuer said since he did not report the card missing earlier, he would have to pay the amount owed to them. How much did he have to pay for items he did not buy?
$9,000! Why were there no calls made to verify the amount swiped? Small amounts rarely trigger a "warning bell" with some credit card companies.
It just so happens that all the small amounts added up to big one!
SCENE 2: A man at a local restaurant paid for his meal with his credit card. The bill for the meal came, he signed it, and the waitress folded the receipt and passed the credit card along. Usually, he would just take it and place it in his wallet or pocket. Funny enough, though, he actually took a look at the card and, lo and behold, it was the expired card of another person. He called the waitress and she looked perplexed. She took it back, apologized, and hurried back to the counter under the watchful eye of the man. All the waitress did while walking to the counter was wave the wrong expired card to the counter cashier, and the counter cashier immediately looked down and took out the real card. No exchange of words - nothing!
She took it and came back to the man with an apology. Verdict: Make sure the credit cards in your wallet are yours. Check the name on the card every time you sign for something and/or the card is taken away for even a short period of time. Many people just take back the credit card without even looking at it, thinking that it has to be theirs.
FOR YOUR OWN SAKE, DEVELOP THE HABIT OF CHECKING YOUR CREDIT CARD EACH TIME IT IS RETURNED TO YOU AFTER A TRANSACTION!
SCENE 3: Yesterday I went into a pizza restaurant to pick up an order that I had called in. I paid by using my Visa Check Card which, of course, is linked directly to my checking account. The young man behind the counter
took my card, swiped it, then laid it flat on the counter as he waited for the approval, which is pretty standard procedure. While he waited, he picked up his cell phone and started dialing. I noticed the phone because it is the same model I have, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Then I heard a click that sounded like my phone sounds when I take a picture.
He then gave me back my card but kept the phone in his hand as if he was still pressing buttons. Meanwhile, I'm thinking: I wonder what he is taking a picture of, oblivious to what was really going on. It then dawned on me:
the only thing there was, was my credit card, so now I'm paying close attention to what he is doing. He set his phone on the counter, leaving it open. About five seconds later, I heard the chime that tells you that the
picture has been saved.. Now I'm standing there struggling with the fact that this boy just took a picture of my credit card. Yes, he played it off well, because had we not had the same kind of phone, I probably would never have known what happened. Needless to say, I immediately canceled that card as I was walking out of the pizza parlor. All I am saying is, be aware of your surroundings at all times. Whenever you are using your credit cards, take caution and don't be careless. Notice who is standing near you and what they are doing when you use your card. Be aware of phones because many have a camera phone these days. When you are in a restaurant and the waiter/waitress brings your card and receipt for you to sign, make sure you scratch the number off.
Some restaurants are using only the last four digits, but a lot of them are still putting the whole thing on there. I have already been a victim of credit card fraud and, believe me, it is not fun. The truth is that they can get you even when you are careful, but don't make it easy for them.
Slow Down Culture : The Swedish View on Life
An interesting reflection: Slow Down Culture, It's been 18 years since I joined Volvo, a Swedish company. Working forthem has proven to be an interesting experience. Any project here takes 2 years to be finalized, even if the idea is simple and brilliant. It's a rule.
Globalize processes have caused in us (all over the world) a general sense of searching for immediate results. Therefore, we have come to posses a need to see immediate results. This contrasts greatly with the slow movements of the Swedish. They, on the other hand, debate, debate, debate, hold x quantity of meetings and work with a slowdown scheme. At the end, this always yields better results.
Said in another words:
1. Sweden is about the size of San Pablo, a state in Brazil.
2. Sweden has 2 million inhabitants.
3. Stockholm, has 500,000 people.
4. Volvo, Escania, Ericsson, Electrolux, are some of its renowned companies. Volvo also supplies NASA with critical equipment.
The first time I was in Sweden, one of my colleagues picked me up at the hotel every morning. It was September, bit cold and snowy. We would arrive early at the company and he would park far away from the entrance (2000 employees drive their car to work). The first day, I didn't say anything, either the second or third. One morning I asked, "Do you have a fixed parking space? I've noticed we park far from the entrance even when there are no other cars in the lot." To which he replied, "Since we're here early we'll have time to walk, and whoever gets in late will be late and need a place closer to the door. Don't you think? Imagine my face.
Nowadays, there's a movement in Europe name Slow Food. This movement establishes that people should eat and drink slowly, with enough time to taste their food, spend time with the family, friends, without rushing. Slow Food is against its counterpart: the spirit of Fast Food and what it stands for as a lifestyle. Slow Food is the basis for a bigger movement called Slow Europe, as mentioned by Business Week.
Basically, the movement questions the sense of "hurry" and "craziness" generated by globalization, fueled by the desire of "having in quantity"
(life status) versus "having with quality", "life quality" or the "quality of being". French people, even though they work 35 hours per week, are more productive than Americans or British. Germans have established 28.8 hour workweeks and have seen their productivity been driven up by 20%. This slow attitude has brought forth the US's attention, pupils of the fast and the "do it now!".
This no-rush attitude doesn't represent doing less or having a lower productivity. It means working and doing things with greater quality, productivity, perfection, with attention to detail and less stress. It means reestablishing family values, friends, free and leisure time. Taking the "now", present and concrete, versus the "global", undefined and anonymous. It means taking humans' essential values, the simplicity of living.
It stands for a less coercive work environment, more happy, lighter and more productive where humans enjoy doing what they know best how to do. It's time to stop and think on how companies need to develop serious quality with no-rush that will increase productivity and the quality of products and services, without losing the essence of spirit.
In the movie, Scent of a Woman, there's a scene where Al Pacino asks a girl to dance and she replies, "I can't, my boyfriend will be here any minute now". To which Al responds, "A life is lived in an instant". Then they dance to a tango.
Many of us live our lives running behind time, but we only reach it when we die of a heart attack or in a car accident rushing to be on time. Others are so anxious of living the future that they forget to live the present, which is the only time that truly exists. We all have equal time throughout the world. No one has more or less. The difference lies in how each one of us does with our time. We need to live each moment. As John Lennon said, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans".
Congratulations for reading till the end of this message. There are many who will have stopped in the middle so as not to waste time in this globalized world.
This article can be found at: http://shrikant.emergic.org/archives/2007/02/09/slow-down-culture-the-swedish-view-on-life/
Wedding Ring: Why the Fourth Finger?
Why do you call it the ring finger? Why do you need to put the wedding ring in your fourth digit when there are other choices? Here is our attempt to answer this question.
The THUMB represents your parents.
The INDEX (second finger) represents your siblings.
The MIDDLE finger represents yourself.
The RING (fourth finger) represents your life partner, and
The PINKIE (fifth finger) represents your children.
Now, open your palms (face to face), bend the middle fingers and hold them together - back to back.
Secondly, open and hold the remaining three fingers and the thumb - tip to tip. (See Attached Picture)
Now, try to separate your thumbs (representing the parents), they will open. Why? Because your parents are not destined to stay with you lifelong, and have to leave you sooner or later.
Please join your thumbs as before and separate your Index fingers (representing siblings), they will also open, because your brothers and sisters will have their own families and will have to lead their own separate lives.
Now join the Index fingers and separate your little fingers (representing your children), they will open too, because children also will get married and settle down someday.
Finally, join your little fingers, and try to separate your Ring fingers (representing your spouse).
Can you do it? Can you separate each ring finger?
You will be surprised to see that you just CANNOT, because Husband & Wife have to remain together all their lives - through thick and thin!
***from the site of photographer Fol Rana***
Monday, August 13, 2007
What is the first letter of your first name?
According to studies, the first letter of your first name reveals your sexual identity... What do you
think?
A You are not particularly romantic, but you are interested in action. You mean business. With you, what you see is what you get. You have no patience for flirting and can't be bothered with someone who is trying to be coy, cute, demure, and subtly enticing. You are an up front person. When it comes to sex, it's action that counts, not obscure hints. Your mate's physical attractiveness is important to you. You find the chase and challenge of the "hunt" invigorating. You are passionate and sexual as well as being much more adventurous than you appear; however, you do not go around advertising these qualities. Your physical needs are your primary concern.
B You give off vibes of lazy sensuality. You enjoy being romanced, wined, and dined. You are very happy to receive gifts as an expression of the affection of your lover. You want to be pampered and know how to pamper your mate. You are private in your expression of endearments and particularly when it comes to lovemaking. You will hold off until everything meets with your approval. You can control your appetite and abstain from sex if need be. You require new sensations and experiences. You are willing to experiment.
C You are a very social individual, and it is important to you to have a relationship. You require closeness and togetherness. You must be able to talk to your sex partner before, during, and after. You want the object of your affection to be socially acceptable and good looking. You see your lover as a friend and companion. You are very sexual and sensual, needing someone to appreciate and almost worship you. When this cannot be achieved, you have the ability to go for long periods without sexual activity. You are an expert at controlling your desires and doing without.
D You are totally damn marvelous!
E Your greatest need is to talk. If your date is not a good listener, you have trouble relating. A person must be intellectually stimulating or you are not interested sexually. You need a friend for a lover and a companion for a bedmate. You hate disharmony and disruption, but you do enjoy a good argument once in a while it seems to stir things up. You flirt a lot, for the challenge is more important than the sexual act for you, but once you give your heart away, you are compromisingly loyal. When you don't have a good lover to fall asleep with, you
will fall asleep with a good book. (Sometimes, in fact, you prefer a good book.)
F You are idealistic and romantic, putting your lover on a pedestal. You look for the very best mate you can find. You are a flirt, yet once omitted, you are very loyal. You are sensuous, sexual, and privately passionate. Publicly, you can be showy, extravagant, and gallant. You are born romantic. Dramatic love scenes are your favorite fantasy pastime. You can be a very generous lover.
G You are fastidious, seeking perfection within yourself and your lover. You respond to a lover who is your intellectual equal or superior, and one who can enhance your status. You are sensuous and know how to reach the peak of erotic stimulation, because you work at it meticulously. You can be extremely active sexually that is, when you find the time. Your duties and responsibilities take precedence over everything else. You may have difficulty getting emotionally close to a lover, but no trouble getting close sexually.
H You seek a mate who can enhance your reputation and learning ability. You will be very generous to your lover once you have attained a commitment. Your gifts are actually an investment in your partner. Before the commitment, though, you tend to be frugal in your spending and dating habits and equally cautious in your sexual involvement. You are a sensual and patient lover.
I You have a great need to be loved, appreciated...even worshipped. You enjoy luxury, sensuality, and pleasures of the flesh. You look for lovers who know what they are doing. You are not interested in an amateur, unless that amateur wants a tutor. You are fussy and exacting about having your desires satisfied. You are willing to
experiment and try new modes of sexual expression. You bore easily and thus require sexual adventure and change. You are more sensual than sexual, but you are sometimes downright lustful.
J You can be super romantic, attached to the glamour of love. Having a partner is of paramount importance to you. You are free in your expression of love and are willing to take chances, try new sexual experiences and partners, provided it's all in good taste. Brains turn you on. You must feel that your partner is intellectually stimulating otherwise you will find it difficult to sustain the relationship. You require loving, cuddling, wining, and dining to know that you're being appreciated.
K Once you get it into your head that you want someone, you move full steam ahead in pursuit. You do not give up your quest easily. You are nurturing and caring. If someone has a problem, this turns you on. You are highly sexual, passionate, loyal, and intense in your involvement, sometimes possessive and jealous. Sex to you is
a pleasure to be enjoyed. You are stimulated by the eccentric and unusual, having a tendency to be free and open.
L You are very romantic, idealistic, and somehow you believe that to love means to suffer. You wind up serving your mate or attracting people who have unusual troubles. You see yourself as your lover's savior. You are sincere, passionate, lustful, and dreamy. You can't help falling in love. You fantasize and get turned on by movies and magazines. You do not tell others of this secret life, nor of your sexual fantasies.
M You are emotional and intense. When involved in a relationship, you throw your entire being into it. Nothing stops you; there are no holds barred. You are all consuming and crave someone who is equally passionate and intense. You believe in total sexual freedom. You are willing to try anything and everything. Your supply of sexual energy is inexhaustible. You also enjoy mothering your mate.
N You are secretive, self-contained, and shy. You are very sexy, sensual, and passionate, but you do not let on to this. Only in intimate privacy will this part of your nature reveal itself. When it gets down to the nitty-gritty, you are an expert. You know all the little tricks of the trade, can play any role or any game, and take your love life very seriously. You don't fool around. You have the patience to wait for the right person to come along.
O You are very interested in sexual activities yet secretive and shy about your desires. You can re-channel much of your sexual energy into making money and/or seeking power. You can easily have extended periods of celibacy. You are a passionate, compassionate, sexual lover, requiring the same qualities from your mate. Sex is serious
business; thus, you demand intensity diversity, and are willing to try anything or anyone. Sometimes your passions turn to possessiveness, which must be kept in check.
P You are very conscious of social proprieties. You wouldn't think of doing anything that might harm your image or reputation. Appearances count, therefore, you require a good-looking partner. You also require an intelligent partner. Oddly enough, you may view your partner as your enemy; a good fight stimulates those sex vibes. You are free ofsexual hang-ups. You are willing to experiment and try new ways of doing things. You are very social and sensual; you enjoy flirting and need a good deal of physical gratification.
Q You require constant activity and stimulation. You have tremendous physical energy. It is not easy for a partner to keep up with you, sexually or otherwise. You are an enthusiastic lover and tend to be attracted to people of other ethnic groups. You need romance, hearts and flowers, and lots of conversation to turn you on and keep you going.
R You are a no-nonsense, action-oriented individual. You need someone who can keep pace with you and who is your intellectual equal the smarter, the better. You are turned on more quickly by a great mind than by a great body. However, physical attractiveness is very important to you. You have to be proud of your partner. You are
privately very sexy, but you do not bed, you are willing to serve as teacher. Sex is important; you can be a very demanding playmate.
S You are totally damn marvelous!
T You are very sensitive, private, and sexually passive; you like a partner who takes the lead. Music, soft lights and romantic thoughts turn you on. You fantasize, but do not tend to fall in and out of love easily. When in love, you are romantic, idealistic, mushy, and extremely intense. You enjoy having your senses and your feelings stimulated, titillated, and teased. You are a great flirt. You can make your relationships fit your dreams, often times all in your own head.
U You are enthusiastic and idealistic when in love. When not in love, you are in love with love, always looking for someone to adore. You see romance as a challenge. You are a roamer and need adventure, excitement, and freedom. You deal in potential relationships. You enjoy giving gifts and enjoy seeing your mate looking good. Your sex drive is strong, and you desire instant gratification. You are willing to put your partner's pleasures
above your own.
V
You are individualistic, and you need freedom, space, and excitement. You wait until you know someone well before committing yourself. Swing someone means psyching him/her out. You feel a need to get into his head to see what makes him/her tick. You are attracted to eccentric types. Often there is an age difference between you and your lover. You respond to danger, thrills, and suspense. The gay scene turns you on, even though you yourself may not be a participant.
W
You are very proud, determined, and you refuse to take no for an answer when pursuing love. Your ego is at stake. You are romantic, idealistic, and often in love with love itself, not seeing your partner as he or she really is. You feel deeply and throw all of yourself into your relationships. Nothing is too good for your lover. You enjoy playing love games.
X You need constant stimulation, because you bore quickly. You can handle more than one relationship at a time with ease. You can't shut off your mind. You talk while you make love. You can have the greatest love affairs, all by yourself, in your own head.
Y You are sexual, sensual, and very independent. If you can't have it your way, you will forgo the whole thing. You want to control your relationships, which doesn't always work out too well. You respond physical stimulation, enjoy necking and spending hours just touching, feeling and exploring. However, if you can spend your time making money, you will give up the pleasures of the flesh for the moment. You need to prove to yourself and your partner what a great lover you are. You want feedback on your performance. You are an open,
stimulating, romantic bedmate.
Z For you, it is business before pleasure. If you are in any way bothered by career, business, or money concerns, you find it very hard to relax and get into the mood. You can be romantically idealistic to a fault and are capable of much sensuality, but you never lose control of your emotions. You are very careful and cautious before you give your heart away, and your body, for that matter. Once you make the commitment, though, you stick like glue commitment, though, you stick like glue.
think?
A You are not particularly romantic, but you are interested in action. You mean business. With you, what you see is what you get. You have no patience for flirting and can't be bothered with someone who is trying to be coy, cute, demure, and subtly enticing. You are an up front person. When it comes to sex, it's action that counts, not obscure hints. Your mate's physical attractiveness is important to you. You find the chase and challenge of the "hunt" invigorating. You are passionate and sexual as well as being much more adventurous than you appear; however, you do not go around advertising these qualities. Your physical needs are your primary concern.
B You give off vibes of lazy sensuality. You enjoy being romanced, wined, and dined. You are very happy to receive gifts as an expression of the affection of your lover. You want to be pampered and know how to pamper your mate. You are private in your expression of endearments and particularly when it comes to lovemaking. You will hold off until everything meets with your approval. You can control your appetite and abstain from sex if need be. You require new sensations and experiences. You are willing to experiment.
C You are a very social individual, and it is important to you to have a relationship. You require closeness and togetherness. You must be able to talk to your sex partner before, during, and after. You want the object of your affection to be socially acceptable and good looking. You see your lover as a friend and companion. You are very sexual and sensual, needing someone to appreciate and almost worship you. When this cannot be achieved, you have the ability to go for long periods without sexual activity. You are an expert at controlling your desires and doing without.
D You are totally damn marvelous!
E Your greatest need is to talk. If your date is not a good listener, you have trouble relating. A person must be intellectually stimulating or you are not interested sexually. You need a friend for a lover and a companion for a bedmate. You hate disharmony and disruption, but you do enjoy a good argument once in a while it seems to stir things up. You flirt a lot, for the challenge is more important than the sexual act for you, but once you give your heart away, you are compromisingly loyal. When you don't have a good lover to fall asleep with, you
will fall asleep with a good book. (Sometimes, in fact, you prefer a good book.)
F You are idealistic and romantic, putting your lover on a pedestal. You look for the very best mate you can find. You are a flirt, yet once omitted, you are very loyal. You are sensuous, sexual, and privately passionate. Publicly, you can be showy, extravagant, and gallant. You are born romantic. Dramatic love scenes are your favorite fantasy pastime. You can be a very generous lover.
G You are fastidious, seeking perfection within yourself and your lover. You respond to a lover who is your intellectual equal or superior, and one who can enhance your status. You are sensuous and know how to reach the peak of erotic stimulation, because you work at it meticulously. You can be extremely active sexually that is, when you find the time. Your duties and responsibilities take precedence over everything else. You may have difficulty getting emotionally close to a lover, but no trouble getting close sexually.
H You seek a mate who can enhance your reputation and learning ability. You will be very generous to your lover once you have attained a commitment. Your gifts are actually an investment in your partner. Before the commitment, though, you tend to be frugal in your spending and dating habits and equally cautious in your sexual involvement. You are a sensual and patient lover.
I You have a great need to be loved, appreciated...even worshipped. You enjoy luxury, sensuality, and pleasures of the flesh. You look for lovers who know what they are doing. You are not interested in an amateur, unless that amateur wants a tutor. You are fussy and exacting about having your desires satisfied. You are willing to
experiment and try new modes of sexual expression. You bore easily and thus require sexual adventure and change. You are more sensual than sexual, but you are sometimes downright lustful.
J You can be super romantic, attached to the glamour of love. Having a partner is of paramount importance to you. You are free in your expression of love and are willing to take chances, try new sexual experiences and partners, provided it's all in good taste. Brains turn you on. You must feel that your partner is intellectually stimulating otherwise you will find it difficult to sustain the relationship. You require loving, cuddling, wining, and dining to know that you're being appreciated.
K Once you get it into your head that you want someone, you move full steam ahead in pursuit. You do not give up your quest easily. You are nurturing and caring. If someone has a problem, this turns you on. You are highly sexual, passionate, loyal, and intense in your involvement, sometimes possessive and jealous. Sex to you is
a pleasure to be enjoyed. You are stimulated by the eccentric and unusual, having a tendency to be free and open.
L You are very romantic, idealistic, and somehow you believe that to love means to suffer. You wind up serving your mate or attracting people who have unusual troubles. You see yourself as your lover's savior. You are sincere, passionate, lustful, and dreamy. You can't help falling in love. You fantasize and get turned on by movies and magazines. You do not tell others of this secret life, nor of your sexual fantasies.
M You are emotional and intense. When involved in a relationship, you throw your entire being into it. Nothing stops you; there are no holds barred. You are all consuming and crave someone who is equally passionate and intense. You believe in total sexual freedom. You are willing to try anything and everything. Your supply of sexual energy is inexhaustible. You also enjoy mothering your mate.
N You are secretive, self-contained, and shy. You are very sexy, sensual, and passionate, but you do not let on to this. Only in intimate privacy will this part of your nature reveal itself. When it gets down to the nitty-gritty, you are an expert. You know all the little tricks of the trade, can play any role or any game, and take your love life very seriously. You don't fool around. You have the patience to wait for the right person to come along.
O You are very interested in sexual activities yet secretive and shy about your desires. You can re-channel much of your sexual energy into making money and/or seeking power. You can easily have extended periods of celibacy. You are a passionate, compassionate, sexual lover, requiring the same qualities from your mate. Sex is serious
business; thus, you demand intensity diversity, and are willing to try anything or anyone. Sometimes your passions turn to possessiveness, which must be kept in check.
P You are very conscious of social proprieties. You wouldn't think of doing anything that might harm your image or reputation. Appearances count, therefore, you require a good-looking partner. You also require an intelligent partner. Oddly enough, you may view your partner as your enemy; a good fight stimulates those sex vibes. You are free ofsexual hang-ups. You are willing to experiment and try new ways of doing things. You are very social and sensual; you enjoy flirting and need a good deal of physical gratification.
Q You require constant activity and stimulation. You have tremendous physical energy. It is not easy for a partner to keep up with you, sexually or otherwise. You are an enthusiastic lover and tend to be attracted to people of other ethnic groups. You need romance, hearts and flowers, and lots of conversation to turn you on and keep you going.
R You are a no-nonsense, action-oriented individual. You need someone who can keep pace with you and who is your intellectual equal the smarter, the better. You are turned on more quickly by a great mind than by a great body. However, physical attractiveness is very important to you. You have to be proud of your partner. You are
privately very sexy, but you do not bed, you are willing to serve as teacher. Sex is important; you can be a very demanding playmate.
S You are totally damn marvelous!
T You are very sensitive, private, and sexually passive; you like a partner who takes the lead. Music, soft lights and romantic thoughts turn you on. You fantasize, but do not tend to fall in and out of love easily. When in love, you are romantic, idealistic, mushy, and extremely intense. You enjoy having your senses and your feelings stimulated, titillated, and teased. You are a great flirt. You can make your relationships fit your dreams, often times all in your own head.
U You are enthusiastic and idealistic when in love. When not in love, you are in love with love, always looking for someone to adore. You see romance as a challenge. You are a roamer and need adventure, excitement, and freedom. You deal in potential relationships. You enjoy giving gifts and enjoy seeing your mate looking good. Your sex drive is strong, and you desire instant gratification. You are willing to put your partner's pleasures
above your own.
V
You are individualistic, and you need freedom, space, and excitement. You wait until you know someone well before committing yourself. Swing someone means psyching him/her out. You feel a need to get into his head to see what makes him/her tick. You are attracted to eccentric types. Often there is an age difference between you and your lover. You respond to danger, thrills, and suspense. The gay scene turns you on, even though you yourself may not be a participant.
W
You are very proud, determined, and you refuse to take no for an answer when pursuing love. Your ego is at stake. You are romantic, idealistic, and often in love with love itself, not seeing your partner as he or she really is. You feel deeply and throw all of yourself into your relationships. Nothing is too good for your lover. You enjoy playing love games.
X You need constant stimulation, because you bore quickly. You can handle more than one relationship at a time with ease. You can't shut off your mind. You talk while you make love. You can have the greatest love affairs, all by yourself, in your own head.
Y You are sexual, sensual, and very independent. If you can't have it your way, you will forgo the whole thing. You want to control your relationships, which doesn't always work out too well. You respond physical stimulation, enjoy necking and spending hours just touching, feeling and exploring. However, if you can spend your time making money, you will give up the pleasures of the flesh for the moment. You need to prove to yourself and your partner what a great lover you are. You want feedback on your performance. You are an open,
stimulating, romantic bedmate.
Z For you, it is business before pleasure. If you are in any way bothered by career, business, or money concerns, you find it very hard to relax and get into the mood. You can be romantically idealistic to a fault and are capable of much sensuality, but you never lose control of your emotions. You are very careful and cautious before you give your heart away, and your body, for that matter. Once you make the commitment, though, you stick like glue commitment, though, you stick like glue.
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